Knowing When to Ask for Help

My pondering has taken on a new level of exag- geration these past weeks as I tap into the thoughts, feelings, and emotions surrounding the promotional aspects of being a self-published author. As I’ve perused books, websites, and media expert information, I’ve felt like a seasick sailor in the midst of a typhoon. Green at the gills and seeking solid land, I’ve deciphered enough to know that it’s definitely not a positive sign when thinking about marketing your beloved product results in a tightened chest, violently churning insides, and a strong impulse to throw up.

Walla Walla Book Event

While I can candidly declare that I am competent in a number of arenas, there is never-the-less a voice in my head (and stomach) that says, “Leave the marketing to someone else.” There is naught like the mechanics of unsolicited self-promotion to turn my insides out and make me flee for shelter or cower under the covers. Please don’t get me wrong... I absolutely adore sharing stories, connecting with people, speaking on a welcoming stage, or engaging in an intimate one-on-one conversation. But the thought of walking into one more independent bookstore and having a clerk stroll away with a sneer on her face and As I Lay Pondering held between two fingers as if it were a dirty diaper turns my skin cold. Seriously... diving into Puget Sound midwinter without a wetsuit feels more inviting to me.

Now, anyone who has known me for even a brief period of time understands I have little aversion to taking risks. In fact, it joyously tops my ongoing to do list...

Take A Risk Every Day

...but I have also come to learn there is a laudable difference between taking risks that propel me forward and  those that push my heart begrudgingly into areas that leave my essential self feeling disturbingly icky. Even though I am a rockin’ coach, it is rarely wise to practice my skills on my loved ones. I am typically too invested in the outcome to be objective. Likewise, I’ve determined that exclusively promoting my own book is akin to being the sole counselor for my family. I am entirely too close to the subject. Misunderstandings are inevitable, feelings will get hurt, and unflattering barfing may ensue.

Further down on my list-to-live-by is another premise that I have a tendency to overlook.

Know When to Ask for Help!

I was raised to be an independent woman and asking for help can be a challenge. It is both blessing and curse to know myself as competent in my own right. Navigating this new marketing territory is clearly possible, but leaves me with a daunting feeling and the declaration, I don’t wanna! That’s clearly how I feel about taking the next promotional step(s) alone... I don’t wanna!! Therefore...

It’s time for me to take a risk, put my independent ego aside, and ask for help! Today I’m turning this plea over to the Universe. Call it prayer, intention setting, dream making, wish casting, whatever you like, but I’m releasing it out into the Great Unknown. And since I’m choosing not to go it alone, let me ask you this...

·      What projects make you turn ‘green at the gills’?

·      Are you compelled to disregard the potential warning signs and push on through?

·      If yes, consider why.

·      What does risk taking entail for you?

·      Do you know when (or how) to ask for help?

·      Feel free to practice alongside me by putting your needs and desires out into the world.

    Together we can see what happens!

·      Ready. Set. Go!!!

Wanted: Ideal advocate for As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life. Must be articulate, energetic, and marketing knowledgeable (or excited and willing to learn). A promoter of passions with excellent tools and the skills to implement them.

Excited to work together and find perfect ways to extend our mutual energy and efforts. Reasonably priced and ready to make things happen. Passionate about my book, work, and what I have to offer the world. We connect seamlessly and complement each other well. Loves marketing and promotional work, is a self-starter, and not overbearing. Compassionate, generous, an excellent listener, and a well-connected connector.

When she/he arrives the weight drops from my shoulders and the gnawing in my stomach releases. Life moves forward with ease and satisfaction. It feels effortless... yes, effortless.

Companioning and marketing with ease... that’s what I want!! Okay, Universe. Ready. Set. Go!!!

Angels in our Midst - Do you believe?

“A Warrior of the Light is never predictable.

She might dance down the street on her way to work, gaze into the eyes of a complete stranger and speak of love at first sight, or defend an apparently absurd idea. Warriors of the Light allow themselves days like these.” – Paulo Coelho

Are you a Warrior of the Light? Someone who’s willing to dream of angels and step into absurd ideas? Well, I am. This morning I awoke thinking of angels and other things that some might call “woo woo.” I opened As I Lay Pondering, saw today’s title, “To Be Known,” and asked myself what it would mean for me to be known right now in this moment. Hmmm.... 

Norah & the Watchers

Do you believe in angels? I do. They come in all shapes and forms—furry, human, dreamlike. Arriving in streams of light, laughing children, and a gentle touch. A stranger who appears and mysteriously vanishes. A fleeting thought, prickly neck or tingly skin. One of my favorite “angels” that shows up in both image and imagination is a curly-headed impish girl named Norah (translated as Compassion). My old golden retriever, Curry, emerges on occasion. And, of course, my purring companion, Aslan, is an everyday reminder of otherworldliness in present form. My long-deceased father has appeared on several occasions through music and nature; meeting me when I most need to hear him. Real or imagined? Truth or fantasy? What do you believe?

Recently a man perusing my ponderings mentioned to his wife that he thought I might be a little crazy. So be it. A warrior of the light dances through the street and people either join in the dance, run the other way, criticize, or pause and ponder. Which do you choose to do?

Curry Dog

There is a place of stillness where everything connects, disappears and comes into absolute clarity all at the same moment. I think of the Bible story of Jacob wrestling with God and his dreams of the ladder going up to heaven while angels ascended and descended. These kinds of stories have been with us since the beginning of time. The question is... Are we willing to believe? What happens when we slow down, step into stillness, and listen... deeply listen? Will God speak? Do angels show up? Is it the result of an overactive imagination or a mind running wild with thoughts and fantasy? Does it matter? Will it be any less real if I can’t hold it in my hand or capture it in a digital photo? Perhaps I am a touch mad, but today my mind returned to a very real experience I had during a meditative time in Arizona this spring.

When I closed my eyes and the meditation began, our moderator simply mentioned the word “stage” and I felt the spotlight shine upon me. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had these longings since I was a little girl. Do we all dream of being on the stage? Yes. No. Perhaps. I believe our “stages” simply take on different forms. [Pause and ponder: what your stage might be? You know, the one you see when you close your eyes.]

Check out that Boa!

Moving down the pathway of my mind, golden-haired Norah greets me with her playfulness and compassion—her is-ness. In her unique way, she invites me to simply be. Before me on the ground lay an apple that I witnessed just before the moderator invited us to look up rather than down. There to my right were grand marble steps leading upward to the stage. A brilliant curtain crafted of magnificent red—the color and texture of my feather boa—reminds me there is nothing insignificant about my essential self. She is meant to shine! (I know this and yet I doubt it in my current mind... not the meditation). Returning to the dream state, I am invited to leave Norah, my guide, at the bottom of the staircase. I don’t want to take my journey without Compassion, but Norah reminds me that she is always with me. All I need do is ask.

Moving up the stairway, I see a being with shoulder-length hair. He glows with strength and light emanating from within. Before I can ask his name, I know it is the Archangel Michael whose card lay “randomly” on my chair before our session began. The Angel turns and points to the audience spread before the stage. It is filled with adoring fans—people asking for my gifts... my gifts... MY gifts. The people do not clamor. They simply stand before Michael’s outstretched hands—before me—and wait. They snake around my viewpoint—like the final scene in “Pay It Forward”—holding lights and waiting. They are honoring me and know I have the gift to share with them. I am awed and honored myself. Michael is brilliant before me and he is part of me. Strength and courage. Like Norah, he will always be with me, but especially during this time of the journey he is very near.

I sense him over my left shoulder now. His golden wings gently wrapping around me as I write with my golden muse, Aslan, purring in my lap. “Be you, my child. The world is waiting.” I feel it now and I heard it then as he turned back to me and said, “The gift is you.” And in his hands lay my gift to the world.

In that brief moment, I smelled the apples I had seen earlier. The fruit of life. Tempting and forbidden. Hmmm. Fear creeps in. I was always forbidden to shine. Forbidden to taste the fruit of my own knowledge. But here, the sweet fruit has been broken open before me. I need only inhale—stop, pause, breathe—and it will find me, surround me, and fill me with its fragrant aroma. May this fragrance move me into the world with strength and tenderness; compassion and love; Michael and Norah. There is no room for fear when all is love.

Truth or fantasy? Real or imagined? Sane or inept? What do you choose to believe? Where does your mind go when you turn to that deep place of stillness where everything connects, disappears, and becomes clear in the same moment?

Leaping into Life

"it takes courage to be who you really are” e.e. cummings

The above words providentially graced the promotional postcard for my first public book reading last Saturday night in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Wow! It took more courage than I ever dreamed I had to put myself out there and LEAP into a wild new world! It only seems appropriate that on Leap Day I choose to commemorate that magnificent jump into the public limelight.

Even now my heart beats quickly and tears form in my jet-lagged eyes as I think of my precious time away. The fullness of the whole experience resonates deeply and I know that for a few moments in time I was a shining star spreading my magic into the world.

Leap Day 2008, I sat solo in a Paris café (surprising even myself) and this year I recall perching on a bar stool in the spotlight and glow of my own dreams surrounded by a rapt audience (yet one more surprise). Saturday night was amazing – terrifying – exhilarating – complete. It was absolutely perfect with the finest spectators I could imagine. This shy girl who has been known to sprout hives just thinking of speaking in public loved being on that raised stage. Woohoo! As I entered the coffee house and took my place on the platform flashes of failure and stage fright flew through my mind and body. Freeze? Flee? Or become FREE? Those seemed to be my choices... To free myself, I turned to As I Lay Pondering and offered Anyone There?—one of my most vulnerable pieces.

Will you read my work? Hold my hand? Laugh at my jokes? Kiss my lips? Notice my hair? Anyone there? Are you paying attention? Do you see me? Is it possible I still carry the look of a 1-year-old standing in her crib, reaching and searching for connection? Anyone there?

With a deep breath, I read and they were hooked. I was fully present as I slowed myself to the pace of thoughtful words. My pulse began to steady as my heart connected to my soul... and theirs. Courageously I sat all sassy in my red crocheted dress and cowboy boots surrounded by friends, family, and strangers listening to my story, and as the evening magically flowed on, “my” story became “our” story. It was an iconic event.

Who could have known I was destined to perch on a coffee house stool in Tulsa Oklahoma and launch a book that touched the heart of everyone in that room... especially my lovely sisters-in-law who became so mesmerized in the moment that they forgot their assigned tasks of photography and time-keeping, as well as my young nephews who sat tucked behind electronics? The friend I had known for over 50 years was to my right and various acquaintances and newfound soul mates filled out the audience. Even the barista offered his accolades when I finished.

It was a LEAP comprised of steps bigger than anything I could have imagined earlier in my life. One – that I would (or could) write a book; Two – that I would develop the nerve to speak in front of a crowd and become thoroughly entranced by the magic of it; and Three – I would return to the Oklahoma roots I left nearly a quarter-century ago to begin this new phase of my journey! Poet David Whyte writes, “What you can plan is too small for you to live.” How right he is!

In this special year of the Leap, what do you plan for yourself? What would you do if you had the courage to be who you really are? What does bravery look like in your life? My personal plan is to strap my parachute on tightly, ‘cuz it feels like this leap is a giant one... and I don’t want to miss a moment of it fearfully flailing away!!!

MY NEW BOOK: As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett Available here and at Amazon.com. Get your copy today!!

Magic never feels icky...

Don’t exchange your comfort zone for an icky zone and confuse that with moving toward magic. Magic NEVER feels icky! Exhilarating? Yes. Scary? Probably. But never icky. My pondering juices started flowing yesterday morning when I read two articles on yoga and how most people shouldn’t even be doing it. Many folks have jumped into yoga as the latest health fad without relying on the wisdom of listening to their bodies... A repeating result is that they end up injured and upset rather than invigorated and enlightened. My pondering continued as I had a discussion with a very wise friend around a diagram shared on Facebook which suggests one needs to move out of the comfort zone to find magic. While I heartily agree with this sentiment, I decided to create a slightly revised version (see diagram) and shall repeat: Don’t exchange your comfort zone for an icky zone and confuse that with moving toward magic.

Magic doesn’t feel icky. Like in yoga, if a pose feels bad or harmful (icky), back off! We are a culture of strivers. This means we put strenuous efforts toward our goals. We struggle vigorously in opposition and resistance. How magical does that sound or feel in your body? It resonates downright icky to me. Magic isn’t about striving nor is it always comfortable getting there. Magic movement is about operating in that sweet spot between icky and complacently comfortable (“Comfortably Numb," anyone?) In this discussion, comfortable speaks of familiarity... but is familiar always comfortable? It’s reasonably predictable, but is it satisfying and fulfilling?

So here’s a super simple example from my childhood of moving out of the comfort zone. When I was a kid, I only ate what I “liked” ... that is I ate what I knew I liked, because I was afraid of eating something that might taste yucky (a close cousin to icky). It seems ridiculous now, but it was a big deal as a child. My veggie comfort zone was potatoes, corn and an occasional carrot. No greens. No salad. Lots of starch. This went on for years until one evening I went to a fancy restaurant with friends and the dinner came with salad. Yikes! What was my 12-year-old-self to do? At home I could have refused the plate of greens, but here I was in public with generous hosts and an inner voice that encouraged me to not be rude. Small as it may sound now, it was a pivotal point in my risk-taking progress. My comfort zone shifted slightly that night. As we sat high above Oklahoma City in the upscale restaurant that slowly revolved as we dined, I decided it was less uncomfortable to eat the salad than to stay in my existent comfort zone and be embarrassed by my salad aversion. A nice surprise happened that twilight evening as I risked moving out of my comfort zone. I discovered I love salad—really love it—and this morning I sit here sipping my green smoothie while I play with these words ☺.

Magic often comes by taking the smallest of steps out of the comfort zone—one toe in front of the other. (Like trying salad.) It’s not about replacing comfort with icky. Even though the greens might have tasted yucky, I was willing to take the risk, and my body didn’t feel icky doing it. (Nervous? Yes. A little scared? Probably. But not icky.) Moving toward magic comes from the place inside where you know the risk is greater to stay where you are than to move out of your current zone. It’s the tiny step where moving toward your dream feels better than staying in the shell. Movement is the magic.

Where will you risk stepping out of the comfort zone today? What "salad" is ready to go on our plate? If you need a little push, let me know! ☺

As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett. Available here.

diagram © 2012, Kayce S. Hughlett