Sometimes I wish I could plug a recorder into my brain during the night, especially those early morning hours just before waking. I swear some of my best ideas and writing emerge just before dawn, but once I open my eyes they drift away like ash in a windstorm. I also wonder – often – about this crazy universe and how much we can’t even begin to comprehend in relation to our thoughts especially. I’m talking about those goose bump generating moments when you think of a person you haven’t thought of in years and seconds later the phone rings and it’s him/her on the line. Or when a topic is bubbling in your brain and then you find three other bloggers have written about the same thing at the same time.Early this morning, I was creating a post in my brain about being known (or not) by others. My thoughts drifted in and out through recent events. Monday night I was at a dinner honoring the faculty and participants of the transformational program at the Recovery Café (a place of healing for those in recovery – days, weeks, years, hours – from a variety of addictive behaviors.) Having facilitated a program there on deepening spirituality, I felt as though these people knew me in personal and meaningful ways that people I have known for years don't fathom. Last night, I was with friends I have journeyed with through child rearing, parents’ deaths, divorces and day to day mundane events for 20 years. They see me through a completely different lens. I doubt they would ever consider referring a client to me since they know so many of my personal foibles. In both instances, I am known and I am not.
So, imagine my surprise to wake up and find an e-mail pointing me to this tribute. Maureen at Writing Without Paper is indeed a skilled writer. I found myself perusing her words (my words, in many cases) and being fascinated by their arrangement. While I have never met Maureen in person, she created a unique profile of me that feels very intimate, accurate and revealing. Wow! I felt very “known” as I read her words. I also loved how she left space for not knowing me with this prose: "I figure I still have a lot left to learn before I can imagine saying I know her, even remotely."
Part of my story includes a tension of wanting to be known deeply and also carrying a layer of protection that keeps others away from my heart (sometimes intentionally and other times automatically). It is just one of the many paradoxes in my life. So, today I find myself feeling quite honored by Maureen’s tribute AND feeling a bit shy about pointing you in that direction. However, if you know anything about me at all, you know a little shyness rarely keeps me from taking the leap into new territory. So, please pop on over and read Maureen’s wonderful weaving of prose and meet me in a way I found quite fascinating. (I hope you will leave comments for her to acknowledge her amazing gift of Writing Without Paper.) Thank you, Maureen!!!My question(s) for you today is: How do you feel about being “known”? Do you hold your own tensions on that subject? Do you leap or lay low? I’d love to know!
collages by and of lucy circa 2007
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7 comments:
Lucy, I went to Maureen's post this a.m. as she had mentioned to me in a comment this week that "someone I knew" would be featured soon on her site. (I think the introduction of favorite bloggers has been a great feature at her site!) At any rate, I was not surprised to see Lucy pop out at me on the page. There were moments when I felt a little uncomfortable with her "full" disclosure of Lucy's life and accomplishments and on the other hand I was so pleased to see a rich and full life put down for others to enjoy and words from which they might be inspired in their own lives. You know that "being known" for me as an artist and blogger is a push - sometimes I feel the words sticking in my throat, yet I realize those things are true and the more I say them, the more true they are. So I'm beginning to feel more comfortable with leaping, rather than laying low with my pronouncements of accomplishments and I'm happy to see that Lucy is gaining acknowledgment for hers:)
xoxoxo
Great collages here, by the way, I especially like the liony bits on the top one. I think you have a lion heart in many ways.
And what a lovely tribute, I'm glad you pointed us to it. I love how you say "a little shyness rarely keeps me from taking the leap..." Cheering you on!!
I have many tensions around being known, partly because I struggle with knowing myself fully - who is the "real me"? That core of me feels very empty and undefined. No problems at all being known in some cicumstances, in fact I love being the centre of attention if I have the right role to play, but the person underneath the role I'm not at all sure about. I don't think she's in any way good enough.
I realised quite recently that the reason I've always been loathe to tell people I know in real life about my blog - and especially work colleagues - is that I'm embarrassed about it. How do I have the nerve to write these things, what will people think, will they laugh, will they think I'm mad?
My mother used to say sometimes that I was quite self-absorbed. I think she was right. (Well actually I think she said it once, but it obviously stuck!)
I am so honored by this, your own post. I did have to dig, just a little, to glean the many sides of you and the more I found, the more interesting I found you to be. So, thank you in return, for this wonderful acknowledgment.
And I want to thank Sunrise Sister, too, because I found your site through hers, and hers through that of my friend Diane Walker.
My introduction to High Calling Blogs, where the 12 Days of Community originated, began some months ago when I wanted to join a group of online poets. And well, that has led to many other things and helped me to take a leap or two, including into twittering (see TweetSpeakPoetry.com/blog). It has all been a great deal of fun. And the people I've "met"--they're just marvelous.
Have a wonderful Christmas. May peace be with you.
SS - oh yes, that words sticking in the throat thing... i did some work on my throat chakra and the animal companion that appeared was a furry little mouse - just the perfect size to get stuck in my wind pipe!!
here's to leaping together. as always, thank you for your support!! xoxo
tess - i have to tell you that your very real comment peaked so many of my therapist buttons. while most of what you shared is not news to me, i would still love to pop you into my analyst chair & have a very long conversation. i do realize much of it might be like looking in a mirror :-) please know i don't sit around analyzing my readers (well... maybe just a little)... it's the ones i relate to so closely that always peak my interest!
and... isn't it weird how one (perhaps not-so-well-timed) statement in our life can STICK! self-absorbed? yes. no. it's both for me :-)
x0x0x0x00
maureen - isn't it wonderful how the blogging community fans out and grows! you are the one person that has peaked my interest for tweeting, but i continue to resist principally due to time constraints.
again, thank you for the tribute. it's pretty wild to see myself through another's eyes (& my words - sort of). peace.
I would love to sit in your analyst chair, so long as we could have some nice coffee and croissants at the same time! The Enneagram stuff I do has really helped though. I now accept this empty inside thing is part of the personality I've constructed and it just sits there in the background more acceptable to me now because I've realised it for years and understand it.
coffee & croissants would be a must!! the beauty of the things that we know we have constructed, is that in the knowing, we can then begin the deconstruction... if we so choose, that is :-)
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