me, a heroine?

Take the Quiz here!

You are Elizabeth Bennet of Pride & Prejudice! You are intelligent, witty, and tremendously attractive. You have a good head on your shoulders, and oftentimes find yourself the lone beacon of reason in a sea of ridiculousness. You take great pleasure in many things. You are proficient in nearly all of them, though you will never own it. Lest you seem too perfect, you have a tendency toward prejudgement that serves you very ill indeed.

cover to cover

"...if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, (God's) purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same." from The Shack

I can't remember the last time I read a book cover to cover in a single day, but that is exactly what I did today. The book? The Shack.

While I had heard popular buzz about it around the internet and seen it in a couple of bookstores, I found myself steering clear of it for some reason. (I like to do things my way, don't ya know?) Speaking yesterday with a friend, she mentioned how she has "been off of Christian fiction" for quite some time. I agreed. Oddly, it did not dawn on me that sitting under the seat of my scooter was this book which I had just purchased at the local book store. Hmmm.

And so today I opened up the pages around 9:00 a.m. and finished it off sometime around 5 (with a few minor diversions throughout the day). It will take me awhile to process and possibly another read, but I found it to be a very compelling story and the depictions of the Trinity resonated deeply with me. My reading recommendation: Two thumbs up!!!

I am a little brain dead right now, so there will be no book review today. However, I am curious to know whether you have read the book, heard of it, steered clear or now recommend it to all of your friends. I would love to hear what you have to say once you do read it...cause I know you want to now ☺. Cheers!

so who's the kid here? part 2

Reading the replies to yesterday’s post, I viscerally recoiled when I read Tess’ words, “I do not like the feel of sun on my skin.” Oh horror of horrors!!! How can that possibly be? It is so hard for someone living in this Northwest climate (where even the seconds of the day when the gray lifts momentarily have been named “sun breaks”) to imagine!!! Not like the feel of the sun? Impossible!!! (Now Tess knows I love her dearly and she is equally appalled when I complain about the downside of winter, so no worries that she will be offended I have drawn her ghastly comment into the forefront ☺)

Yesterday afternoon I sat on my deck in the sunshine; cool breeze blowing over me; surrounded by blooming flowers—some freshly planted and others older than time; the sky amazingly blue and clear above me; book in hand; cool drink by my side; old dog happily sniffing the breeze; and the main thought that ran through my head (at least the one I remember today ☺) is “I love the feel of the sun on my skin.” For a few gentle moments I reveled in it and just let myself be.

And then I heard the warnings: Skin cancer. Aging. SPF. And my recent favorite, a quote from the Gilmore Girls…“You know-- "convertible people"—too tan. Bad hair.” Yikes! Can’t be having any of that!! So, I got up out of my chair, put on a little more sunscreen, filled my glass of water one more time, considered getting my hat or moving into the shade, but…in that moment life was all too perfect.

I was warmed by the sun deep into my very soul. I was once again the young girl whose grandmother called her “Little Brown Bear”. I could sense the joy of a child and feel the tickle of sprinklers and the splash of the ocean. Not much better than that in my book.

So, who’s the kid here? ME. No doubt about it ☺ !!!

'bermuda waves' by lucy
'my little girl' by h3images

so who's the kid here?

There is nothing like a teenager to cramp your style. Let me begin with this. I love my daughter AND she makes me crazy. I know. I know. No one can make you crazy, but teenagers (and I will be more specific here) teenage daughters certainly give it their best shot.

I have nearly survived my son's adolescence and believe me
when I say that was no easy feat!!! (He turned 19 in May and is
living on his own and supporting himself. Hurray!) My daughter was always the "easy one" but now she seems to be making up for lost time.

Now not to sound melodramatic, but who in their right mind refuses to drive with the convertible top down on a perfect Seattle day? Or uses statements like 'I'm not physically or emotionally ok to play today'? Who then stays on the phone half the night only to complain she's too tired to get up? Would you like to take a guess? Have you ever known anyone with similar symptoms?

I understand these are "normal" and minor infractions, but jeez louise I am finally learning how to play again and now a KID is trying to rain on my parade. Isn't that supposed to be my job?

Hopefully in a few years we will look back on this era and laugh together. In the meantime I think I'll finish this little rant and go ride my scooter or run through a sprinkler or something equally as appalling and childish. I mean, someone's got to have some fun in this family!! ☺

So who or what is cramping your style these summer days?

Wishing you freedom, joy and play!!!

my dog & me

who says dogs don't have moods and expressions? i felt a little bad yesterday for curry's birthday when i did not have a current picture to represent him well. i realized he much prefers natural lighting over flash photography and so as we spent the day outside together, i snapped a few shots along the way. not bad for 91, huh? (that's 13 in dog years)

Happy & Content

"Yea, whatever." (Frog Dog)

Noble One

and, since this post is entitled "my dog & me", here's the latest little quiz i came across. check it out and let me know who YOU are! wishing you glorious days of summer as they have finally arrived here in seattle. yippeee!!!!!

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 72%
Lifer: 21%
Mandarin: 44%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

Milestones

Today is the 13th birthday of my wonderful companion, Curry. He is a wonderful old guy who has lived a very full life. His back legs don't work very well and he sleeps most of the time. When he chooses to give a hearty "Woof!" it sounds as though his vocal cords have been scraped with sand paper. In spite of all of this, his attitude remains good and he seems quite happy to be alive. This can be evidenced by his enthusiastically waving tail and the smile on his face when the sun shines to warm his golden fur. Happy Birthday, Curry!!!!

Today is also my 350th post at this site. Hooray for me. It's only taken me about four years to do what some do in one (or less)... Many thanks to my wonderful readers and faithful commenters!!!

Celebrate a little today. I highly recommend it!

photo of "younger" curry

but...

I never cease to be amazed at how we are always moving toward ourselves. How can we be “moving toward ourselves”, you might ask. Aren’t we already us? Yes, of course, and I believe, No, absolutely not. In Christian terms, one could say that the journey is becoming more like Christ. Does that make more sense? My point this morning is not to have a theological discussion, but rather to comment on the journey and how so many seemingly small things begin to come together and, if we are paying attention, there comes a point in time when they begin to converge and we can see the larger picture. It is kind of like taking varying pieces of paper in collage work and while the individual scraps don’t look like anything significant, when you stand back and behold a larger more significant image has been constructed out of the scraps.

Take for example the tiny scrap of a word, “but”. For me it has become a significant part of how I choose to articulate myself (more accurately it is the absence of those three little letters--b-u-t--from my vocabulary.) Several years ago my family was participating in some group work and the facilitator suggested that often when we use the word ‘but’, it seemingly negates everything that comes before it. For example, "I love you, BUT you really make me mad." The receiver of those words very likely only hears the second part. What if, however, you were to say, I love you AND you really make me mad? It’s both! See?

My next progression in this particular awakening came when I was in graduate school and I was introduced to the concept of both/and. It took awhile to sink in that this was in contrast with either/or. By working on my personal issues and having the privilege of facilitating dozens of people through their own work, I have been astounded by how ingrained we are with being good or bad and right or wrong. This way of thinking often clouds things so much that we simply can’t see what IS. Does it have to be one or the other? Perhaps it is neither and perhaps it is both. Usually it just IS.

For the purposes of this discussion , I refer back to my recent post which speaks of my paradoxical nature. ("I know God and God knows me AND I must continue to press on to see who God is and who I am.") Which leads me back to where I started here with the amazement at always moving toward ourselves. It’s the journey. Can you see it?

For quite some time now I have been drawn to the concept of paradox. Such as, how can I KNOW God and still be searching to find out who God is? It is both/and…that’s how ☺. So, a couple of weeks ago when I was at my birth chart reading and near the end, the astrologer said, “It is a good chart. It is a hard chart. Everything is BOTH.” I had to smile and say, “Of course” for in that moment I got to understand my personal journey just a bit more clearly. To me it brought more light onto my aversion to using the word “but”, my being drawn to the concept of “both/and” and my continued fascination and need to live with the idea of paradox. My life is good. It is hard. It is both!

Now the cool thing for me is that while I knew all of these ponderings have been stirring around inside me, it was through two comments on my last entry that today's post came into existence.

Tess wrote, “What really struck me about this post was your use of the word AND. "...fully engaged... AND I cherish my solitude." You didn't use the word 'but'... Perhaps part of your work is to continue showing others by your example that deep and enduring balance in life is a creative thing.”

And from Maureen: “entirely 'unique to you' words and thoughts AND words that speak to the searching longing discovering journey of so many of us...given that God desires us to know ourselves that we might know God i clap my hands loudly celebrating your questions and the answers you seek..i want to know more”

I was struck by Tess’ encouragement to share the example of “deep and enduring balance”. I must admit that terrifies me just a bit, AND something about it resonated deeply with my paradoxical nature ☺. We’ll see what happens. Also, Maureen’s connection to the journey and questions invites me to “want to know more” and share more.

So, what do you think? But? Both/and? Paradox? Moving toward ourselves? The floor is open...

lucy's chicks from the bermuda botanical gardens 6.08

what is my work?

Much of my ponderings these days is around “what is my work?” What am I called here to do? “Here” being the world of my space and time. I am uniquely created just as each of us is. A few weeks ago I had my first birth chart reading done by an astrologist. (I can almost here the audible gasps from some of my more conservative readers ☺, but I hope you will hang in here with me. This is part of my unique journey…to test, to ponder, to find my own path by pushing the boundaries of convention and be able to proudly say, “Sorry if you disagree, but this is Me. Take me or leave me”. Again...I hope you will choose to stay.)

As I write this morning, I realize this is why I have not stepped into this territory. It feels like there is so much to be covered…explained even…because I still live with so much desire of not wanting to be misunderstood (particularly by those I love.) And so it feels as though this post will take a slight turn from where I started with my ponderings of “what is my work?”

The birth chart reading was not done by Madame X in a heavily veiled, candle lit room with a crystal ball. It was instead done in a bland office park by an average looking middle-aged man with a theology degree from Notre Dame and a masters in marriage and family therapy from Seattle Pacific University. I had scheduled my appointment only two days before, otherwise, I might have been suspicious he had hired a group of detectives to research my background to come up with the information he related to me.

It was both confirming and a little freaky as he spoke key words that I have used for my life and other phrases that resonated deeply with me. It was like reading or hearing a passage of scripture and having it speak deeply to my heart. Abbey of the Arts had an excellent post last week on “Landscapes, Maps and Pilgrimages”. She articulates beautifully my experience as she speaks of her own birth chart reading:

“I accepted for the fun of it but was surprised by the complexity and beauty of what the reading offered to me in terms of understanding my own longings and the directions I felt called to go. Suddenly I imagined a God vast enough to have offered these archetypal symbols to me at the moment of my birth as one possible map, as guidance from one much wiser than myself. Astrology is not about your life being pre-determined, but a template that provides an invitation to go to the places that nurture your soul most deeply. “

And so I circle back around to the longings of my heart and the directions I may choose to go. My life is abundantly paradoxical. For example, I desire to live life fully engaged with the world AND I cherish my solitude. I have cried rivers of tears and am willing to enter the darkness of my soul AND I am one of the most joy-filled people I know ☺. I know God and God knows me AND I must continue to press on to see who God is and who I am. I need to share my gifts with the world AND I am called to rest and be still.

And those words are just the tip of the iceberg ☺. So, if you have hung in here with me through this longer-than-normal post, thank you. I shall end with a few words from my morning ponderings with more thoughts left for another day.

what is my work?
what can I do?
how do I create a picture of a thousand words?
how do I put onto paper what no one before me has done?
how do I what?
bless this space—my hearth—my home
how do I live here? now?
being present to the life I have
feeling my home. tending my hearth.
bless this space.
this place of beauty.

Blessings to you and your space today. I would love to know what this post has stirred in you.

lucy's photos from bermuda

mornings by the sea

"morning is a time of promise and possibility spread out in the day before us." --Christine Valters Paintner

one of my favorite "companions" during my week away was this lovely zine by Christine Paintner, "season by the sea: a contemporary book of hours." it is lovely in both verse and image. i hope you will choose to support Christine's work and give yourself a special treat by ordering your own copy here.

day break

day spread out before me like the fresh sand upon the beach
no footprints yet to mark this day
night time clearly gone

the golden orb fully taking her place in the sky
spreading outward
at the center almost too brilliant to observe
then…broadening, widening, turning softer
layers of color…ringing, moving, spreading

watching me
capturing me
being me
who am I to be?
who will I be in this day?

am I the one who plays in the surf and dives from the cliffs
laughing and roaring with the thrill of the risk,
the freedom,
the joy?

or will I be the one who silently,
thoughtfully ponders the art
through the halls of life’s museum?

I want it all!!!

photos by lucy 6.27.08

diary of a day

• cafe latte in bed
• light breakfast with friends & dogs
• walk to the beach
• stroll
• swim in the sea
• walk to the house
• swim in the pool
• shower outside
• lunch
• read
• nap on the veranda with cool island breeze
• read
• nap
• read
• play with water color paints alongside new friend
• dress for dinner
• outdoor dining at "rustico" fabulous!!
• conversation
• late night game with the teens
• finish book
• sleep

ahhhhhhh...just another day in paradise...

visual gratitude

"I arise at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving."
--Kahlil Gibran

be

Is it fading memory or past inobservance? I don’t remember ever awakening to this amazing, picture perfect view right outside my window. Did I not turn to the west upon awakening in the past? Or is there a new window—a wall moved just a foot or two? I think not, because the room is perfectly symmetrical as it is. How can I miss something so simple and so amazingly beautiful? Something that is right before my very eyes?

I think we must do it all the time. The missing, I mean. Some say we cannot go looking for the sacred. Is that true? If we do not open our hearts, eyes or minds, how will we know it is there? And what of those times when we desperately want to see God and yet we feel or see nothing? A dark night of the soul, if you will.

There it is—the paradox of being. We must see to believe, but in the looking we miss what is simply there. Hmmmm. Is that what I meant to say? In looking for my words do they fail to come? Is something lost in the translation from heart to head? Yet I must put pen to paper for something to tangibly emerge. Or must I?

“Let it be,” says the still small voice. “Be” that simple tiny small word that is so huge. Let it be. Be still and know. Be still. Be.

How will I choose to “be” today? How will you?

"gone to the beach. not sure when i'll be back." she grins and boards the plane...

sacred

Do you ever have conversations with yourself? I don’t mean little mutterings, but full blown, pros and cons, asking questions and seeking answers kind of conversations? Well, if not, I highly recommend it. As Flannery O’Connor said, “I write to discover what I know.” Although more often my writing feels like it is discovering more and more of what I don’t know, because the questions just keep multiplying. The cool thing is that I am really o.k. with that. More so even than having all the answers which seems like a totally impossible task, don’t you think?

While I would like the share with you this morning’s conversation, it seems to be one that is ongoing and so impossible (and too large) to capture in one readable blog post. Nevertheless, I will share a snippet of it.

I woke up this morning pondering “what is sacred”? (i.e. How would one define sacred?) The first definition I found was “connected with God.” I like that. It resonates with me. It’s simple without too many words or fuss. (I do not choose to define God in this post. You will have to do that for yourself ☺. ) So, why was I pondering “sacred”? Well, yesterday felt like a very sacred day to me.

It was about finding the sacred in Seattle on a summer Friday night. Far away from the four walls of any institution. Feeling the life force around me while driving along the beach of Alki Point, soaking up the West Seattle culture. The magnificence of the city spread before us. The tempting call of the lapping waves. Dipping our toes into the cold Sound while conversing with a waif of a girl and her scraggly old dog puppy. Fresh sea air mixed with the warm heat of the day. Sacred. Friendship. Bread. Wine. Communion. Being seen in the eyes of another. Sacred conversation—not how to “save” the world, but how to "be" in the world so that our gifts are shared. God manifested. The evening was awe inspired and inspiring. Sacred, indeed.

More thoughts and conversation continued from there, but I choose to stop now and sit in the beauty of that little snippet. Perhaps the conversation will continue at another time. For now, however, I hope you will consider what “sacred” means to you. How about “fellowship”? Communion? Church? Have a little conversation here or perhaps with yourself even ☺.

Wishing you a blessed and sacred Saturday!

photos by lucy 6.20.08. "driving" & view from Salty's West Seattle.

holding back

I find myself holding back and I can only imagine that it is tied to years of feeling wrong, out of place and judged. I do not want to go back there AND I do not want those chains to continue to have their hold on me. So, what’s a girl to do?

I find myself on a journey of amazing possibilities with forks in the road and so many choices to be made along the way. Do they all lead to the same place? Can choices be made along the path that look different for each of us and still lead to one source? I hear the voices of my past (and occasional present) saying, “Do not stray from the narrow path. If you do, you will be wrong. You will live in eternal hell.” Ironically, it feels more like hell to follow the narrow voices that want to rein me in—to keep me from living my true nature. But wait; would that be a “sinful” nature? The one that the devil tempts me to? Yikes. It all feels so dramatic and forced and fear-based. But the voices of judgment hang tough and strong, telling me to keep myself in check.

Could those strong and tough voices of judgment be from God? Is my true nature really evil and so I need hard and fast guardrails? I think not. My heart, my soul, my very being tells me to listen to the beauty…To trust that God will meet me where I am as long as it is God I am seeking.

Hmmm...I don’t believe it is God I have the problem with ☺. The challenge is to live in the world and follow my path regardless of how others tell me I “should” live. You see I believe that the Way of Jesus is love. Period. It is God I am seeking. It is God who is seeking me. Together, we will make our own path. Period.

If you are reading this, I chose to push “publish’ and let up on the holding back…a little ☺. Thoughts? Comments? Where do you choose to listen? Heart? Head? Man? God? How do you KNOW what YOU believe? How do you discern whether it is your belief or just a hangover of others’ voices? Where do you hold back?

if only for a moment...

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

can you remember back to those carefree days when boys and girls were just kids and not genders? can you see in your mind’s eye the freedom of summer and endless play without regard to time, space or commitments? when hours could be lost staring at an ant carrying a piece of food? or catching bees in a jar only to release them a moment later could consume an entire afternoon? can you remember what it was like to walk hand in hand with someone just because it felt natural to be by their side? can you remember when it all started to get complicated and boys became yucky or girls developed cooties? when appearance became more important than freedom? when propriety took the place of simplicity?

some of those questions are easier for me to answer than others, but all remind me in some simple way of my delightful Sunday when for a few brief moments all of the questions disappeared and I got to simply be me…a child at play…if only for a moment.

sitting next to the international fountain at seattle center with my seemingly unlikely companions, steve and derek (two twenty-something young men from lubbock, texas), we watched the children at play in the brilliant sunshine of the day. one little guy especially caught our attention as he darted in and out of the fountain spray clad only in his little white briefs which I swear he had on sideways ☺. oblivious to every care in the world except delight, this little guy was the picture of joy and his energy was evidently contagious. steve spontaneously said, “come run through the fountain with me” and the next thing I knew, we were dodging the showers and laughing with the other children. pure delight indeed!

it is funny how you just know that some moments will mark your life in a unique way and I know this was one of them. it was a brief slice of time slathered with delight and freedom when two grown up children allowed themselves to come out to play and time stood still…if only for a moment.

when was the last time you allowed your inner child to come out and play? if it has been awhile, why do you think that is? what would they would want to do if allowed? think about it ☺. I would love to know.

unfortunately i did not have my own camera with me, but this fountain photo found here beautifully exhibits the mood of the day!

ebb and flow

It is early morning. I have been up for over two hours and it is just past 7:00 a.m. Why am I up? Dreams, thoughts, feelings flow through my being. The past couple of days have been punctuated by a sense of contentment, but today I feel my old nature pressing in and saying, “Do something. You can’t just sit around being content!” And so the tides of life continue to ebb and flow.

Awhile back I wrote about dabbling versus mastery as I encountered the lovely blue jays in my path. This morning as I read a journal from four years ago, I noticed that the answers for which I was searching were right in front of me. Just this week, I communicated with two friends about their own messages being right there for them, too. One showed up in music they had written over the years. The other in art purchased without any "known" rhyme or reason. And so it is that I believe the answers are often right before our very eyes. Sometimes we are open to seeing them and other times we are not. And sometimes it is just not the right time to see.

Still I ponder where is the balance between hyper-focusing and/or just waiting for things to happen. What is my responsibility to move things along and/or when do I just need to get out of the way? Am I willing to risk appearing foolish or (gasp) failure by putting myself out there? Or will I be like my encouraging creative friend who says we must celebrate the rejection letters, because that means we made one more step toward our art?

So, the question for me today is what am I willing to risk? Time? Energy? Ego? Failure? If my dream is to share my gifts* with the world, how can I move toward the fulfillment of that dream if I sequester myself behind a wall of fear?

How about you? What are you willing to risk today? What holds you back from exploring or expanding your dreams? Are there small steps that could get you going? Is your tide ebbing or flowing right now?

*Defining my “gifts” is another roadblock, for sure…and definitely the topic of another post ☺.

photo from yelapa, mexico by h3images

my village

Home again. It has been a nice relaxing day of resting, nesting, catching up on e-mail and home stuff. The wind has been blowing like crazy and the rains have been consistent throughout the day. Right now the sun has decided to pop out and give us a little blue sky for the evening.

My life has entered an odd pattern these days. I feel kind of like a firefighter who goes to live at the station for a week and then returns home. When I am facilitating for Soltura, I know where I am supposed to be and my focus is centered on helping the participants throughout their workshop. It is intense, exhilarating and exhausting. So the challenge when I return to my home is to find the balance of what needs to be done and to what I choose to be present.

When I am facilitating, I am totally present to the participants. It is a very cool experience, because they each come looking for some kind of change in their life. I find that my gifts shine in this environment. Last week was very cool because there were four young ladies who are close in age to my son. So in many ways they were an interesting combination of my son and daughter. One of them shared her philosophy of “being raised by a village” and thanked each of us for being part of her village.

It was so wonderful to see how these women also helped “raise me” with their courage, insight, tenacity and love. It never ceases to amaze me how similar human beings are and yet how very different. The great thing is allowing ourselves to be open and see what we can learn from each other. (I think it’s great to consider relationships with an open door policy ☺.)

This evening I am tired, but content. My home is clean. My heart is in good spirits. My family is safe. And my “village” continues to expand. Blessings abound and I am eternally grateful for life as I know it.

on the road again

greetings! i will be away from blogging for the next few days doing my soltura thing. i hope you will check out that website if you are so-inclined. also, in the meantime if you would like to hear some tunes inspired by my recent road trip, here is a brief playlist. i'd love to know what your favorite road tunes are, so drop me a line.