Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Beautiful Boy

Jonathon…beautiful boy, laughing boy, maddening boy, independent boy. Child I have no control over. Child who taught me I am powerless over my life without God—my Higher Power.

Child that drove me to my knees, that sent me onto my face, prone, like Moses crying out to God.

Child that I am so thankful for for giving me the miracle of relationship with God.

Our mother-son relationship has at times been a turbulent one. To be able to rejoice and have calm in the midst of the storm only comes from God.

Jonathon’s strength and stubbornness showed me where I was weak in my spiritual relationship with God. Showed me where I was trying to fix things myself without God. Showed me my pride and arrogance as I thought I could raise this child (or do anything else) on my own.

I also learned where I am strong, interdependent with God and compassionate. Our relationship showed me that I have a heart for helping others, the courage to admit defeat in my own weakness and the desire to serve God at the risk of my own comfort—whatever that may look like.

Our relationship is a powerful and heartbreaking one. It is also filled with great Hope. It is not a path I would have chosen on my own. However, ours is a wonderful connection that I would not trade for anything in this world.

photos by bill hughlett