Monday, April 14, 2008

fight, flight or a third way?

We are slowly discovering what many of us are calling "the Third Way," neither flight nor fight, but the way of compassionate knowing. Both the way of fight and the way of flight fall short of wisdom, although they look like answers in the heat of the moment. When it's an either/or world you have no ability to transcend, to hold together, to be creative.
I read the above quote this morning and it really resonated with me. As is often the case, many different thoughts and ideas started swirling around in my mind and fighting for attention. I thought of my recent post, feel your feelings as well as Sunrise Sister’s post here. The other topic that ran through my mind was the Couples Workshop that I am leaving to facilitate tomorrow.

As I reflect on these three topics, I realize that they cover relationships with ourselves, the world and committed personal relationships—as well as our overreaching relationship with God which always shows up (I believe) when our eyes and hearts are open ☺.

Limited on time this morning, I cannot delve into this as I would like, however, here are a few thoughts that worked their way onto paper.

Will the couples (will we as people; I as a person) choose to fight or flee or will they decide to try something new in relationship? We must be risk takers in order to be peacemakers. They go hand in hand. It is sometimes risky to seek peace. To seek a new way of looking at things. To do something different when the old is not working.

In living each day there is always the urge to fight or flee. Sinking into depression and not considering options can be a form of flight. Immediately going to outside sources for cures, saying “Nothing is wrong” or merely treating of symptoms is a form of fight. Feeling the pain, being in it, wrestling with it, resonates of the "compassionate knowing" of which Rohr speaks.

There are so many ways to look at this, but for now these are the bubblings of my brain. I am not sure if I will be back here over the next week or not. I hope you will ponder some of these thoughts along with me. Also, if you are so inclined, please say a prayer, send special thoughts, warm feelings, whatever it is you may do to the brave men and women who will be participating in Soltura’s first couples workshop. I am one of the facilitators and I am excited, encouraged AND nervous as can be!

May each of us consider choosing a “compassionate knowing” rather than fight or flight as we enter this new week. Peace! ☺


Anonymous said...


I am with you as we traverse this path together. No separation! Nothing else is possible. Feeling feelings is something that came up for me this morning. I was pondering my realization of how fast I am to judge others and justify myself. At that moment a feeling of sadness arose from within me and I noticed how quickly I pushed it back down. So I stopped and invited it back up in welcome and acceptance. As you’ve experienced, the feeling quickly lessened. Nice. I realized my repression of the feeling was yet another way I judge and justify. I judged the feeling as “bad” and pushed it right back down as a means of justification. (“Sadness? In me? What sadness?”) I’m learning that feelings come up for me because they want to leave. They are begging for release. And I need to practice letting them be and then let them go. Any feeling I judge (good or bad) I will hold on to. If I judge it as “bad” I push it down in denial…if I judge it as “good” I will hold on to it in order to keep it. Freedom stands in wait of my welcoming my feelings and letting them go. I like to ask myself, “Can I let this feeling go and see if it gets any better?” I find that it almost always does. Oddly enough…letting go of good feelings takes me even higher. I am practicing. Have a wonderful workshop. You are in my thoughts.


Anonymous said...

Have a marvelous retreat, I know you and your beloved will offer much love, compassion, and wisdom in the days to come. May you each one of you participating receive gifts of greater intimacy, passion, and commitment. xoxo c

Ted Marshall said...

My good thoughts and prayers for all of you on this retreat. I know it will be wonderfully renewing.
As for your post, yes, these issues resonate with me also. I think it's to do with bearing witness. Being there for yourself and others without attempting to fix everything. Because often when we try to fix things it is because we fear we can't bear our own pain or that of others. (I speak from experience...)
Hugs ;-)

Dianna Woolley said...

Prayers for a good week for all in community for the couples retreat. I chill thinking momentarily how hard it will be for those who have committed to this session only to find that all will not go just as they had planned....or as well as they had hoped....but also my prayer is for them in the weekend to discover the unrealized joy to be obtained in a healthy relationship in which both partners "work" in harmony towards a goal.


Kayce aka lucy said...

brett--nice to see you again :-) "they are begging for release"...i am intrigued by that imagery and it somehow seems so fitting...and yes, it's all about practice, isn't it? oh, and awareness :-)

C--it has been a long time since my beloved and i have "officially" worked together. i know this will be a time of stretching and growth as hopefully it is also of "gifts of greater intimacy, passion, and commitment."

tess--it is a pull to try and fix things when we are feeling uncomfortable! i pray i can overcome my discomfort and anxiety of leading this new workshop, so i can allow space for each couple to do their own work!

SS--i have those "chills" too as well as hoping for some that they will be open to surprise for the positive things that may happen which they aren't counting on :-) i love your image of "working" in harmony. it fits perfect with our title--"the paradoxical dance".

thank you all for being here and for the continued love and support i receive from you! xoxoxoxo

Karen said...

I really love your blog, Lucy. I can always expect to be given something to ponder...and now I'm going to go off and ponder.

Sue said...

So much that is challenging here. Fight or flight, or the third way. The way of compassionate knowing. It is hard.

I hope your retreat is going swimmingly and look forward to catching up with you when you get back