Tuesday, February 19, 2008

stop. breathe. listen.

what has happened?
where did my spaciousness go?
waxing. waning.
full moon gone behind a cloud of busyness.
stop, my child. breathe.*

Early last week felt so spacious, so inviting, so wonderful. I was moving my body and feeling whole and inspired. This week I feel rushed and crushed. It is eight days until Paris and it feels like it is coming too fast. I will have only eight days there. I want these days to slow down. I want to linger here as I desire to do there.

I spent the past weekend (Friday through Sunday) collaboratively creating a couples workshop for Soltura called “The Paradoxical Dance.” The project is energizing and exhausting all at the same time. We will join together again this weekend to fine tune what we have created so far. Thursday I have collage class and then I will ride the ferry across the Sound to visit friends. I will see students on Monday and Tuesday of next week and then very early Friday morning I will leave for Paris.

It feels too fast. I need to catch my breath. I wanted to go to yoga this morning, but sleep seemed more important. I have a to do list a mile long, but writing and processing a bit feels more essential. My visual journal is calling me as well as magazine clippings that say “create me into something.”

Create me into something. Is that my prayer today? I do not want these days to pass so quickly--only filled with busyness. My longing is to be intentional. To stop and listen to God. To see where my path is leading. To follow the rhythms of my soul. It is my own paradox. When I take time for myself, I seem to have abundant time in other places. When I give to others, I receive blessings in return that I cannot count.

Ahh...I cannot put words to it just yet, but it is my Lenten practice. The spaciousness is returning as I slow down, breathe and listen. Amen.

Where do you need to slow down? Breathe? Listen? What are the paradoxes in your life?

* see posts here and here. they helped me start to put into words how i was feeling this morning.


Karen said...

I understand what you mean--perhaps there is more to my "blah" feeling than pure "blah." There must also be time for rest, for reflection, for stillness, for just being. And when that time comes calling, we need to stop and pay attention.

Ted Marshall said...

Is it possible, I wonder, to just let all these things happen rather than see them as something to get through? Although that is something I struggle with also.
I'm glad the spaciousness is returning.
And I think Paris will be great, but let's take it easy, not try to see absolutely everything. Leave loads of space to just absorb.

Kayce aka lucy said...

karen--so glad you stopped by and thank you again for your "blah" post this morning. i think it's ok to feel like toad sometimes :-)

tess--it is curious to me that you read this as needing to "get through" these things. what i was saying to myself was how to NOT let the busyness take over so much that i cannot enjoy or notice the "happening" or "being" of this time.

i knew there was a reason i felt comfortable having you in paris with me. "leave loads of space to just absorb." i couldn't agree with you more!!!

K. said...

Dear Lucy:

I subscribe to your blog and read it frequently. Have a wonderful time in Paris. When you have time, (ha, ha), I'd like to know your thoughts on the mysteries of unrequited love. A common theme in my life and one that has recently brought me great sadness. Something for your future blog topics...Thanks. ~K.

Dianna Woolley said...

I can.... surprise.... relate to what you're saying about wanting time to relax, relate, breathe in.

I/we have been trying to let our Maui days "breathe" - they have felt so spaciously lengthy. We're not ready for our trip home yet, but I do find myself counting the "days left" a little.

Your post speaks beautifully to your emotions and to those of us who relate to your words. I agree Abbey was a good place to go for haven.....I have yet to check out your second "here" although I believe I could guess where that will be.

I am so happy to know that Tess is going to join you for a few days in the big P!!


Kayce aka lucy said...

K.--thank you for stopping by and letting me know you are reading. i will definitely consider your topic request. have you seen the movie, "once"? it has a real sweetness about it, and also addresses longing and unrequited love. (i watched it with friends today and thought of it when i read your comment.)

SS--always glad to have you here!! keep breathing in those maui days (they are the same number until i leave for paris...)