Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Off to the Races

Fall has always been more a time of new beginning for me than January 1. Maybe it is because so much of my life has revolved around the school year—first my own, then my children’s & now my own again as I return to my work at a graduate school. Today I woke up early with my mind racing and so much to consider. I really hate that feeling. I have schedules to make. Meetings to attend. Will yoga class help or squeeze my time too much today? Should I get up or have a little more needed rest? But my mind races.

I have a new schedule. Two groups of students to meet with individually (17 in all—double what I have done in the past). My birthday is this week. What shall I do for that? I have two workshops in the next two weeks. There are two soccer teams to put on my calendar. The high school calendar arrived yesterday with more dates to fill. My husband is confirming his “away” dates. My daughter has a complicated schedule that I often need to be involved in. I still miss my dog.

Time seems to be filling up. Precious time. Precious space that I cherish. And I cherish the moments that I spend doing the things I love. Being with friends. Being with family. Being with students. All good stuff, you know? I am someone who cherishes solitude AND I am energized by my work. I consider myself a balanced person. I find myself irritated with people who say, “I don’t have time for…solitude, writing, play, you fill in the blank.” And here I sit with my heart pounding and my mind racing because my list is so full.

And then I have to smile, because God is so great. I opened up my morning devotional and today’s title was “Too Full”. Hmmm. Sounds like I’m not alone ☺. And that really irritates me, because today I don’t want to be the cliché. I don’t want to be like everybody else. I don’t want to be ‘too full’ of stuff! I want my nice little serene existence. Ha!

This definitely feels like a season. It all comes back to me now. It is the beginning of the school year with checks to write and calendars to coordinate. It is a new beginning and I love new beginnings. So, for now I think I will breathe deeply, make a list of things that must be done. Attempt to enjoy this season rather than just get through it. I am grateful. I am grateful for so much and even if I find just 10 minutes for solitude today, it will be enough. I will be enough. Amen.

This is why I love writing…I have just talked myself down from the ledge and remembered all of those little spaces of quiet and serenity I have reserved for myself (even if they only exist in my mind). I have remembered to be grateful. I have found a little place to stop the ‘racing.’ Now if I can just keep my mind from firing the starter gun again! ☺


Ted Marshall said...

Aren't those little moments wonderful, when you open a book or see a hoarding or something that has just the message for you!
Thank you for sharing this, and I'm glad you talked yourself down into a little serenity.

Anonymous said...

lucy, i love this post, especially because I am taking a small break in the midst of a pile of work that seemed to appear out of nowhere. I adore the collage, the hippo crying out especially spoke to me.

I love new beginnings too and the possibilities ahead of which there is such a graced abundance. So my commitment these days is to be as present as possible to the moment, to whatever it is I am doing right now. And to live into the paradox of this season of letting go while also diving into more and more.

xoxo C

Kayce aka lucy said...

tess & C--what a delightful joy to find both of your comments as i head out the door to school. i always know that you two 'get it.' i had a nice morning filled with tasks and a little art making plus lots of sunshine...my favorite! now off to ride on my scooter :-) xoxooxoxox

Sorrow said...

No different i would imagine than beating yourself up for should haves..
put down the stick, walk away from the gun...follow that bliss!

Anonymous said...

I love the phrase, talked myself down from the ledge! Blogging did that for me today too, and working some steps. Thanks Lucy!

Dianna Woolley said...

Talking on the phone, coffee dates, writing letters, keeping in touch.....blogging is such a better solution than all of those things are for me. Making time for coordinated activities sometimes can let too many precious opportunities of sharing go by.

I gain insight and strength from the words of others and from freeing my own pent up craziness in posting and reading. Light, experience and joy reaches me through the shared words, pictures, and artwork of my fellow, favorite bloggers. Great post, Lucy!


Anonymous said...

You speak well of what many of us struggle with. May we all be able to "talk ourselves down from the ledge" as we remember your wise words! Thanks. And blessings on your new season!

Barbara said...

Godspeed in all your racing! It can all wear one down -- I know. In a way, you are fortunate to have a family around you (even if they are part of the racing schedule)when you are teetering on the ledge. There is someone there to advise you to step back and maybe even make you do so or provide you with an excuse.
Maybe I am being a bit too envious.

Anonymous said...

I wish for all of us here a steady and increased gift for being "as present as possible to the moment" as Christine said, and for the gratitude that you mentioned, Lucy. May our harvests be plentiful.