Monday, July 12, 2010

Inside Out

“For no matter how badly we want to love or be loved, we cannot alter our basic nature and survive inside, where it counts.” Mark Nepo

I have a friend who is absolutely the most gorgeous woman I have ever known. She has the face and body that many would consider “perfect.” As one friend described, “She’s better than anything that’s stepped out of Hollywood.” For all outward appearances she lives a charmed life – handsome husband, beautiful house, successful child… the list goes on. AND, she is miserable, lost and floundering in her life.

As we caught up about old times and what’s been happening in our lives in the last 15 years, she listened compassionately to the story of my journey and looked at me with her doe-like eyes to offer, “Your life hasn’t been easy.” True. It hasn’t. AND I wouldn’t trade the hard times (nor would I ask for them) if they would bring me to this place in my life today. Her 'hard times' are very different from mine, but in many ways they seem even harder - they are subtle and keep her trapped in a place of confusion, because she "shouldn't be complaining." Oh, my heart breaks for her.

Somehow my journey has brought me to a place where I am able to wake up each morning grateful. Sometimes I’m a little groggy or a little slower to realize I have found my voice – “my basic nature” as Nepo describes – and I am learning to live out of that place. My insides are awakening even as my outside gathers wrinkles and gray hairs. Learning to love myself from the inside out brings more life than any outside appearance can ever offer. My hope is that I will continue to remember this. My sincerest prayer is that others will know this too.

I’ve been away and miss my friends here. I hope you’ll stop and say hello. I look forward to reconnecting!!!


Barbara said...

Hello, lucy. Glad you are back.

Your post reminds me of the "charmed" couples I have known and their secret pain. None of us escape without our share of bruises and wounds, but that is ultimately the true source of our beauty. I think nothing beats the Velveteen Rabbit as a source of wisdom on this subject.

Maureen said...

Lovely to "see" you back online.

Tess said...

What a lovely thoughtful post to return with!

Sue said...

Because she "shouldn't" be complaining. Oh, yeah, she really must feel imprisoned within her beauty sometimes.

What a lovely post, Lucy. Welcome back. I've given you an award over at my place by the way: :)

Kayce aka lucy said...

barbara - i get weepy even thinking about "the velveteen rabbit". i've always had the hardest time reading it out loud, because it touches those tender places so deeply. thx for stopping by!!

maureen - thx. it feels really good to be here.

hey tess - thx, friend. xoxo

susie q - prison comes in all shapes and forms, huh? can't wait to go take a peak at your place. thank you!!!

Kel said...

appearances can be deceiving
in so many ways

we can only ever love someone else inside-out, when we have reached the point you describe, of loving ourselves from that point first

welcome back to blogland :)
you have been misssed

claire bangasser said...

It's good to have you back!

As to your friend, I understand the pain one feels when one feels guilty feeling bad. I have been there.

I hope she finds her path, where she can embrace herself when she feels bad and allow the words of pain to be expressed. Her beauty then will grow exponentially.

Thank you for sharing how YOU feel.