Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Shadow Reflection

"But the sacred presence is there, breathing in the shadows." Jan L. Richardson, Night Visions

My breath has come in fits and bursts today. with tears & anger. grief & sorrow. loss. I have felt silly about my emotion, because I have so much for which to be grateful. Yet I do not want to rush toward the light. I need to be solemn. Alone. To have solitude, but it's not to be.

Children rustle around me. The phone rings incessantly. The dog breathes hard and asks to be noticed. Messages pile up and clamor for my attention. The soaking carpet screams at me through my nostrils. Momentarily, the smell of warm soup comforts me & then the tears come again.

I am tender. Holy. Yearning to be still. Be still and know that God is here. Emmanuel. God with us. Something beckons in the future, but all I have is now. The late afternoon darkness wraps its arms around me. I want to sleep. To close my eyes & dream. To sleep a night without stirring. Without the need to awaken and check my surroundings.

I yearn for warmth and comfort. To be held in arms that ask for nothing. An embrace that gives without condition. Yahweh. Breath of God. Today I am tired. Worn out from disaster and work. Spent from holding in emotion. I want to cry. I want to create. I want to rest in the shadows.

photo by lucy. snoqualmie pass 12.02.07

8 comments:

Tess said...

Still praying for you. x

The Dream said...

You're so in touch with the REAL of yourself - and I love reading your words. Laughter and lightness will return. Remember, "This Too Shall Pass"
Until then, Prayers ...

SUNRISE SISTER said...

First of all, the photo is beautiful....the talent cup runneth over! Second of all, your ability to capture inner emotions in such a beautiful, descriptive way "catches" me every time - again, ttcro! SS

storyteller said...

You've been in my prayers ever since I read your post about the rain and turned on the TV to see what had happened there. My heart goes out to you all ... and I'm relieved to know you're able to share your feelings so eloquently ... letting them flow and to be ... just as they are rather than holding them in destructively.
Hugs and blessings,

lucy said...

so lovely to be surrounded by such caring souls!!! managed to get my dining room cleared out, so there is now room for food, fellowship AND laughter :-)

ss--the photo was taken with my phone through the car window...not bad, huh?

Abbey of the Arts said...

I loved this reflection -- of course I love most things shadowy and dark. :-) Glad we get to play next week!

storyteller said...

I'm so glad fellowship and laughter followed this natural disaster and challenging clean-up efforts in the aftermath of the storms.

Maybe it's time for me to finally get myself a new cell-phone. Mine doesn't have a camera ... and even my digital Casio Exilim doesn't capture pix like THIS one. Methinks the photographer has special talent.

Watching the news this morning about the muddy messes after the flooding just breaks my heart. God bless and keep you all as the recovery continues.
Hugs and blessings,

Kel said...

oh yes, to sleep soundly without needing to wake up every hour or so and check surroundings

those words nail the experience of trying to live among the chaos of weather inflicted disasters