Thursday, July 03, 2008

what is my work?

Much of my ponderings these days is around “what is my work?” What am I called here to do? “Here” being the world of my space and time. I am uniquely created just as each of us is. A few weeks ago I had my first birth chart reading done by an astrologist. (I can almost here the audible gasps from some of my more conservative readers ☺, but I hope you will hang in here with me. This is part of my unique journey…to test, to ponder, to find my own path by pushing the boundaries of convention and be able to proudly say, “Sorry if you disagree, but this is Me. Take me or leave me”. Again...I hope you will choose to stay.)

As I write this morning, I realize this is why I have not stepped into this territory. It feels like there is so much to be covered…explained even…because I still live with so much desire of not wanting to be misunderstood (particularly by those I love.) And so it feels as though this post will take a slight turn from where I started with my ponderings of “what is my work?”

The birth chart reading was not done by Madame X in a heavily veiled, candle lit room with a crystal ball. It was instead done in a bland office park by an average looking middle-aged man with a theology degree from Notre Dame and a masters in marriage and family therapy from Seattle Pacific University. I had scheduled my appointment only two days before, otherwise, I might have been suspicious he had hired a group of detectives to research my background to come up with the information he related to me.

It was both confirming and a little freaky as he spoke key words that I have used for my life and other phrases that resonated deeply with me. It was like reading or hearing a passage of scripture and having it speak deeply to my heart. Abbey of the Arts had an excellent post last week on “Landscapes, Maps and Pilgrimages”. She articulates beautifully my experience as she speaks of her own birth chart reading:

“I accepted for the fun of it but was surprised by the complexity and beauty of what the reading offered to me in terms of understanding my own longings and the directions I felt called to go. Suddenly I imagined a God vast enough to have offered these archetypal symbols to me at the moment of my birth as one possible map, as guidance from one much wiser than myself. Astrology is not about your life being pre-determined, but a template that provides an invitation to go to the places that nurture your soul most deeply. “

And so I circle back around to the longings of my heart and the directions I may choose to go. My life is abundantly paradoxical. For example, I desire to live life fully engaged with the world AND I cherish my solitude. I have cried rivers of tears and am willing to enter the darkness of my soul AND I am one of the most joy-filled people I know ☺. I know God and God knows me AND I must continue to press on to see who God is and who I am. I need to share my gifts with the world AND I am called to rest and be still.

And those words are just the tip of the iceberg ☺. So, if you have hung in here with me through this longer-than-normal post, thank you. I shall end with a few words from my morning ponderings with more thoughts left for another day.

what is my work?
what can I do?
how do I create a picture of a thousand words?
how do I put onto paper what no one before me has done?
how do I what?
bless this space—my hearth—my home
how do I live here? now?
being present to the life I have
feeling my home. tending my hearth.
bless this space.
this place of beauty.

Blessings to you and your space today. I would love to know what this post has stirred in you.

lucy's photos from bermuda

15 comments:

Sue said...

This post has stirred utter joy in me, the joy of seeing a sister getting more free. It is such a beautiful, holy, wonderful thing. Thanks for this post.

lucy said...

sue--thank YOU! seeing your response so quickly stirred utter joy in me :-)
i am still doing lots of catching up here and hope to visit your place soon! so glad to have you stop by and comment!!! hugs.

Abbey of the Arts said...

"the joy of seeing a sister getting more free. It is such a beautiful, holy, wonderful thing." Yes, what Sue said! :-) Looking forward to talking more about this in person! Love you, C

SUNRISE SISTER said...

Warmth, love, acceptance.

xoxoxox

lucy said...

C--see you soon! thx for your inspiration.

SS--thx. is that what it stirred in you or is that your sisterly i'm-here-for-you-no-time-now-response or is it your i-don't-know-how-to-respond response?

xoxoxoxoxo

SUNRISE SISTER said...

That's what it stirred in me. It was a very emotional reading for me. I haven't clicked on the birth chart link yet because I didn't have time to prior to leaving the house for the Carnegie this a.m. but I'm eager to explore that.

I walk this path of exploration with you sometimes holding hands, sometimes a step behind and sometimes I hope I leading a little as well.

xoxo

SUNRISE SISTER said...

....oh and the toes in the sand - the pictures are beautiful little stories all in themselves!

xoxo

Sue said...

Yes, the combination of the pictures and the text really did it for me too

rebecca said...

When we are searching I think it is perfectly permissble to search everywhere, because I do believe the world is much larger and more complex then our narrow minds can sometimes encompass.

It's all about the journey.

SUNRISE SISTER said...

I looked at the birth chart link - wikipedia is a little vague although very pointed in the step by step measurements....it feels a little unusual in the explanation. I think I need some one on one with you on this subject - NOT to "straighten you out" but to see how your analyst came up with a "chart."

xoxox

Tess said...

I, too, was full of joy at reading this post and cannot better Sue's first comment.
(But you know me, I gotta try!) What really struck me about this post was your use of the word AND. "...fully engaged... AND I cherish my solitude." You didn't use the word 'but'. On your 'doors' poem the other day you used the phrase 'refuse to choose'. You don't have to choose. Perhaps part of your work is to continue showing others by your example that deep and enduring balance in life is a creative thing.
And two last comments:
I LOVE the pinkies in the sand!
And I'm a little disappointed that the reading didn't involve candlelight and a crystal ball...

maureen said...

lucy at once..entirely 'unique to you' words and thoughts AND words that speak to the searching longing discovering journey of so many of us...given that God desires us to know ourselves that we might know God i clap my hands loudly celebrating your questions and the answers you seek..i want to know more blessings friend

lucy said...

tess--i am so glad you decided to try and outdo sue :-) a few years ago i was at a family retreat and the leader spoke to us about the word "but". he said, that often when we use it it negates everything that came before. e.g. "i love you, but i am really upset right now." so, when i am tempted to use the word "but" i ask myself if i really want to negate the previous words. thus i have incorporated "and" much more deliberately into my vocabulary.

i also am pondering your thoughts on my calling and my refusal to choose. i think they may be my next post :-) stay tuned...

lucy said...

maureen--so delighted to hear from you. your words were like sweet nectar knowing that someone i cherish deeply has connected with this journey. thank you for celebrating with me. as i told tess, stay tuned for more...

sometimespoetry said...

Lucy,

i'm glad that the Nouwen words i left over at abbey of the arts blessed you so. his words continually find a home in me. blessings for the week ahead . . .