Thursday, August 06, 2009

next up...stoic chick

The chicks just keep on hatching. Very closely related to Voiceless Chick is the next version in development, Stoic Chick (SC). SC is the one who tries to speak and comes across as impenetrable. Others see her as unapproachable and lacking vulnerability. What they fail to see is her naked little self hiding somewhere inside.

So, what is she hiding? Fear. Duh! Aren’t they all? I haven’t even gotten to Rageful Chick, but here is a note that fell out of my journal this morning. Your fury/rage protects your heart from being dismissed and abandoned. These chicks are here for a purpose and even though I tend to get frustrated when they show up, I need to listen to why they are here.

Pondering Stoic Chick, she primarily shows up when she doesn’t feel safe or trust what is going on around her. When it is too much to bare her heart and soul. She appears proud and arrogant even though inside she is breaking and pleading that someone will see her for who she really is. Stoic Chick has been called cold and distant. Yep, she does a good job of that. But, hey, don’t we all feel like running for cover or turning away when we don’t feel safe? SC is a poor impersonation of someone trying to stay present.

It gets to be a potentially vicious cycle when people start to call SC names, because how safe is that? So what’s a girl to do when someone demands vulnerability and names you deficient in your ability to love? This chick wants to be brave. She refuses to leave, but is punished for staying. She wants to be vulnerable, but should a child come out of hiding when it feels like a war zone? It is so tricky, because I know SC shows up and is hard to reach. I also understand that she usually doesn’t just pop in without being invited in some way.

It’s a hard thing to navigate. If I haven’t lost you here, I’d love to know your thoughts. Do you have a Stoic Chick? How do you approach your triggers? Run? Hide? Push back harder? Turn into Angry Chick or Voiceless Chick? Pray? All of the above? (btw--if your only answer is "pray"...angry chick will probably show up, but that's another story.)

stoic chick collage 8.06.09


Brett said...

Hi Lucy,

Thanks for this. Touched me in a good way and helped soften me; which i see as a good thing these days. I'm well acquainted with Stoic Chick as she is me. I makes me cry to feel the barricades that SC has erected in my life. And you're IS all about fear. For me it is fear of rejection, failure, and generally not being enough.

The "grinning and bearing it" is not a useful strategy for me any more, yet i find it hard to discard. Here is where i transform into Prideful Chick. It is a seemingly effective and efficient 2-edged sword: both defense and attack.

"Pride is a hide." And it really has been that for me--too afraid to soften and show vulnerability. And pride rides in thinking it saves the day. What a pseudo Lancelot! In search of that white knight, i become the loser. And my heart grows a bit more crusty with my show of pride that quickly becomes arrogance. Making matters worse, i have found that defense often becomes the first attack...the other edge of the sword.

This morning i realized i've been pursuing Spirit with my head the past few days and my heart has been suffering in this neglect. Your SC post really confirmed this for me. Spirit called saying, "soften and open." The 12 inches from head to heart is sometimes the longest journey.

I have a love/hate relationship with this heart opening process. I so fear the heartbreak and yet i am convinced that the pain reveals my true character. To remain the stoic is to deny me from myself. A slow pinching off of Life force. A wise man told me that the quality of your life can be measured in heartbreaks per minute. It took me a long time to figure out what he was saying. I am still learning. Thanks for the confirmation and sorry for my rambling.



Tess said...

Really touching post, as is Brett's comment.

Stoic Chick doesn't sound exactly right for me, although I probably need to reflect on her a little further.

I think the closest thing in my wardrobe is BoredChick. I call on her when I feel vulnerable, feel that I might be expected to show some emotion and I have no idea what that emotion might be or ought to be. She's a bit of a sulky teenager. You could show her the world and she'd refuse to be impressed, just stand there, weight on one hip, lower lip slightly stuck out, affecting cool.

kigen said...

Lucy, as a lover of mysticism and all its paths east and west, I'd name myself Chick Noir, with some similarities to Stoic Chick. But I can't begin to define that.

You asked for a picture, so I promptly went down to the Fish Market, but the crates were not out on the street, it was too late in the day. However I met a fishmonger sitting on a stoop, taking a break, with his rubber apron strung over a fence to dry. I twice received permission to photograph him and the apron — the thought that anybody would care about his clothing made him laugh (as you'll see in the picture). Notice the high, black rubber boots he's wearing too, because there's so much ice used for the fish, the store and the street get flooded. Thanks for the challenge, it was great fun.

Have linked my user name to the photo...

Barbara said...

Stoic Chick does not ring a bell offhand. I tend to push back as hard as I can, if triggered. It has to be a pretty big trigger, though. Is Stoic Chick a cousin of Martyr Chick? I can relate to Martyr Chick.

Kayce aka lucy said...

brett--thank you so much for sharing your heart here. i have a pretty good sense of the transitions of which you speak...prideful chick often hangs close by stoic chick and all the others. "To remain the stoic is to deny me from myself." yes, and this heart opening process fills me with love/hate too...although there really is no turning back without completely dissociating, is there?!

please do not apologize for your "rambling" here. it is most welcome, as are matter which chick shows up :-)

tess--oh, yea, bored chick...she's been living with me for a few years now in the form of my daughter. thank you for the reminder it is just one of those stuck chicks and not the real deal!!

i'll go out on a limb, but i would hazard to guess there's some of that stoic chick in you, giles ;-)

Unknown said...

Stoic chick for me would be Invulnerable Chick..the one who keeps on trudging along even when the odds seemed stacked against her. It is funny because I am crafting a blog about fear...fear is what causes her and angry, hurt chick to show up...sometimes in my past I would rail back, but a lot of the time I would just shut down and work to compartmentalize the events, that way they had distance from me...really I just wanted to be shown love...but to reveal that seemed so raw, vulnerable to me.

I usually now meditate, spend time alone in nature, and write a lot...that helps me to stay in touch with what is true for me and authentic for me.

I let go today...
thank you for the most beautiful post!

Kayce aka lucy said...

kigen--chick noir...sounds so tempting i might actually want to be her...and you, my dear, have an amazing talent with the camera. you have captured an amazing image of the fisherman...i see so many emotions in his face and posture--delight, shyness, are you crazy, lady? it is a beautiful window into his soul.

glad you accepted the challenge, thank you!!!

barbara--oh, martyr chick...yikes, i had hoped to forget her. in my life, she made stoic chick look like a newborn!! can you tell, martyr chick herself is a trigger for me?

thank you all for your willingness to join me here!

Kayce aka lucy said...

gabriella--"invulnerable chick" is a perfect name for stoic chick and you have described her to a tee (for me, too).

i also love your "tools" which are many of mine as well.

wishing you abundant love for yourself this day!

dianne said...

I would love to do some collage journaling like this - beautiful stuff. Anyways - I can so relate to Stoic Chick. I think she fronted for me for most of my life. She served a purpose I guess in getting me through some rough situations and beyond but about 5 years ago I just realized I can't live that way anymore. You're totally right, I think, in that it's very related to fear. And this is really good: "SC is a poor impersonation of someone trying to stay present."

Beautiful blog; you've given me lots of food for thought here!

Dianna Woolley said...

Lucy, I don't know how in the world I missed Stoic Chic post. Wow, complicated gal and I recognize her completely, ALTHOUGH I believe she is part of my past, she probably lingers and pokes her head up occasionally. Stoicism and Martyrdom rank pretty closely, don't they?

My triggers used to be 1. Anger 2. Blaming (the other) 3. Blaming (myself) 4. Bucking it up/stiff upper lip 5. Put on martyrdom crown
6. Go out for the cheering crowds who wondered "how I did it?"

Oh yeah, I relate to SC - but I don't find her often now, at least I think not:)

Great post, although I was glad you sent me the rescue ring there in the last paragraph as I was beginning to flounder w/the rapid questioning:)


Dianna Woolley said...

........the collage captures SC so well. Love it and the terrific comments that came in on this post!

Kayce aka lucy said...

dianne-- so glad this struck a chord with you. our "chicks" definitely come into play for a very good reason when they first show up, but it is realizing we no longer need them and learning to let go that brings us to transformative living.

do come back again!!!

SS--i was wondering where your SC comment was as she is someone we know quite well. i, too, hope she doesn't show up very often for me. i was really a bit shocked when someone mentioned her recently. funny, but i see the 'mentioner'as more "stoic" than i. hmmmmmm.