Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Even girls in tutus cry…

This morning I had the lovely and rare opportunity of meeting with a dear friend and spending a few hours dreaming together of creative possibilities for our lives. Our time together was made even more extraordinary by the backdrop of Shilshole Bay. The sun was shining, the wind calm and the temperature perfect - especially when wrapped in our warm blankies.

Part of my dreaming included ‘fessing up to some of the things that stop me from moving forward. These mainly consisted of journal whining with words like, “I could never…” or “Everybody else does it better than me…”

The background of this conversation featured children, mainly in the 2-4 year old range, romping up and down the beach – some with shovels in hand, others wearing brightly colored hats, most being trailed by mothers trying to keep up with the toddlers’ mad dashes toward the sea. One little girl in particular caught my eye. She was several yards down the beach, but close enough to see she was wearing a fabulous pink and black tutu – her mop of curly auburn hair flying in the breeze of her own making.

Tutus always catch my fancy. I’m not sure I ever owned one of my own and haven’t quite convinced myself that romping on the beach in a pink tutu would be my best look right now. However… I can easily get caught up in the magic of tulle and as I watched her from a distance, I felt empowered to overcome my journal whining and replace my “I could never” with a most certain, “Of course I can!”

A brief stop in the ladies’ room before heading home, brought us face to face with tutu girl. Her glee had been replaced by bellowing cries and fear at the sound of the hand dryer. The illusion of only perfection in tulle was momentarily shattered. Which was the illusion? What is the reality? Would my resolve waver too? Perhaps it was only the magic of the beach, sunshine and the tutu that made my dreams seem possible.

Nevertheless, I leaned into my resolve and listened to my inner creative spirit as I realized sometimes…
…even girls in tutus cry.

photos taken another day @ Shilshole Bay


claire bangasser said...

A few hours with a friend, Shilshole Bay in the background, and a little girl in a pink tutu. A momentary perfection. Enough to change a life :-)

I too run into 'I never could...' I think I will make such a list -- and then see. Thank you.

Dianna Woolley said...

Lucy AND Claire -

I'm somewhat surprised to read that either of you have "I could never's" in your repertoire! Maybe in the "olden" days but now? oh my goodness, I'm surprised. Lucy, we'll have to debrief when we meet face to face. Claire, I'll just keep reading your posts to find that I'm right about your can do spirit:) (I love being right!)

And the little girl in the tutu, what a lovely vision of confidence one minute and broken-heartedness the next. I suppose in reality that our own pink tutus are close at hand, right next to our tears.

Love the post!


Kel said...

loving the snowcapped peaks in the background
spectacular space you get to hang out in up there

Kayce aka lucy said...

claire - yes, truly some moments of perfection - which i actually recognized in the moment!!

oh, i'd love to hear your "i could nevers". i'm wondering if they would seem as silly as mine?

SS - yes, "i could never" still shows up in moments of insecurity. the cool thing about them, however, is when i speak them out loud, they really sound pretty ridiculous.

i know my pink tutu is always close at hand... as you say, tucked right beside my tears :-)

kel - those mountains in the background are the olympics and they are indeed magnificent... still, we have no kangaroos coming for breakfast or evening snacks :-(

TUTUS said...

I love your blog, I am glad I stumbled upon it. What beautiful photographs!

Tess said...

Those "I could never" moments are a learning thing, I think. Mine take the form of paralysis. Denying the denial that is denying the fear.

On pink tutus: I man I once worked with - tall, big, burly, former rugby player, emphatically straight - hired a pink tutu to wear at a fancy dress party. (The photos he brought back were something to see!) The interesting bit to me was that the fancy dress hire shop apparently told him tutus were extremely popular items for straight men to hire. I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere!

Kayce aka lucy said...

thanks, TUTUS - it looks like you have a wonderful job :-)

tess - whew! "denying the denial that is denying the fear." i'm wrapping my head around that one :-)

very interesting about the straight men in tutus thing... if you come up with the "lesson" let me know & i'll do the same!

Karen said...

I really love this...and I'm not seeing any inconsistency, either. It's not the tutu (though I kept thinking--get a tutu, lucy--get a tutu!!)--it's the girl. The girl with the zeal and self-confidence to run along the beach in a tutu. And a girl with the zeal and self-confidence to wail in the bathroom because of the hand dryers. I like this--this willingness to live out loud--good and bad. This little girl wouldn't think "I could never...".

What a wonderful lesson...and reminder--if we could never, it's because we think we could never...but you know what? WE CAN!!!

Kayce aka lucy said...

karen - AMEN!! WE CAN!!! and i pray that little girl holds onto the fullness of who she is. thanks for your words, because i found myself a little irritated with her as i thought "you have a pink TUTU, why in the world are you crying?"... 'cause that's how she was feeling!! beautiful. again, amen!