is it appropriate to follow the desert fathers with an Aaarrggh? i've already written this post once, and it disappeared into thin air... no wonder i'm computer-resistant these days!! (note to self - breathe.) ok...early this morning i was sitting here pondering which way my day might flow and an e-mail popped into my inbox. it was from a reader who i've been in correspondence with, and she was wondering if i'm alright and might perhaps be struggling with something i need or want to share. as i responded to her, i realized she had prompted the post for which i was looking these past couple of days. thus, i'm sharing a synopsis of those words here (so in reality, this is the 3rd time i've written this post. Aaarrgghh). one more deep breath. i find myself to be in an interesting place of internal stillness (i.e. things are quiet not only externally, but also internally as the mindless chatter has slowed to a near nonexistent pace). my husband is out of town for a couple of weeks and my 17 year old daughter requires minimal attention from me, so i have some spaciousness in life and seem to find myself just being. aslan has also attached himself to me like velcro, and it's rather difficult to be "productive" with 9 pounds of purring fluff planted in your lap. consequently, i've chosen to surrender to his masterful spiritual direction and settle into the rhythm.
if there is an overarching struggle, it may have something to do with the multitude of feelings around my young son being incarcerated. it's a challenging road to navigate and one that few (any?) people i know personally have walked. my beautiful boy turns 21 next wednesday, so as i write to you i realize i may be experiencing solitude in solidarity with his solitary confinement.
in contrast, much of my days are spent giving and listening to others which truly feels like gift to me (and hopefully them as well) - so i am listening to my own rhythm as i have the time and it feels perfect. yesterday, i felt like i had a little spa day - i went to yoga early in the a.m., followed by my exercise routine, a stroll in the misty rain, my favorite hot latte and a few hours curled up with zen kitty while finishing a great book.
so, there you go... i hope you don't mind sharing this e-mail response/stream of awareness with me today. it's always such a delight to find a writing prompt through cyberspace. now, it's my turn...
how are the rhythms of your days falling into place? is there spaciousness to experience internal and/or external rest? what would your private "spa day" include?
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10 comments:
I feel that coming to wonder what the day will bring without an expectation of how it is to be so is one of the most blessed gifts I've come to know...allowing it to be as it is to be without contriving against it.
I was off-line for five or six days when I went to NY for my son's NYU graduation. The "chatter" that is NYC is so much different from the noise on the Web. It's the chatter of people on the streets, on stages, in quiet contemplation of great art, in a Cuban restaurant in the Village. The noise of life was wonderful after months of being plugged in.
After a busy week at work listening to others worries, concerns, complaints and symptoms I am headed later this afternoon with hubby to Texoma to sit out front, under green umbrella, pile of books and coffee(am)/ wine (pm) at my side and plan to be still and listen to birds, wind and waves! Can hardly wait! Care to join us?! Love, Pamela
I understand your place of stillness as I often seem to be in that place myself. For some time now, the words don't seem to flow online or in my personal life, as they used to. I feel there's so much movement going on at another level and yet there are just no words...in fact, no need for words. I feel quiet and still and yet much is percolating below the surface.
And it's all OK.
You are often in my thoughts Kayce and I so admire your open and willing spirit. You are such a gift!
Lucy,
on the "nine pounds of purring fluff,"
if we would consider these forms of love —
for family,
friend,
nature,
lover,
divine —
this photo of you with Asian expresses all of them
and especially the divine.
I'm not sure that "fluff" is the right word for nine pounds' worth of mini-lion!
The rhythm of my days are spacious and I am finding increasing solace in my Benedictine life. I have found myself without much to say, so haven't been saying it. But ah! I think something may have just started nudging my mind...
PS: I'm sure the Desert Fathers have had worse epithets thrown at them than "aarrgh".
Since retirement, I have had far too many of those lovely, listless days of spaciousness and hot lattes. A day that re-energizes me is one in which I push back the fringes of chaos in my home. I am so delighted that I can put stuff out on the curb Thursday morning and the city picks it up and I never have to see it again! To feel alive and active again, without a shadow of sadness, to see Bogart play with his empty pill vials and fall asleep in my lap, to find Humphrey cuddled up in my arms in the morning, it is all good enough for me.
to be still and quiet is a gift to self that in turn gives back to the world
my 'spa day' would include a trip to a real dayspa, perhaps a body scrub, vichy shower and aromatherapy massage
and when I got home, I would find all the ironing done, floors washed and windows sparkling
:-)))
Sometimes we have to just honor where we're at--and I'm coming to believe that computer-resistance just means that there's something else we need to attend to. You have a lot to integrate right now--try to accept the stillness and not feel guilty about it. There's a lot going on inside you, maybe some new growing--even if you don't know what kind.
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