I'm not much of a TV fan. In fact, I don't really even know how to use our Cable set up that we installed several months ago. Late one Saturday night, I stumbled across a viewing of an old Harry Potter movie while I needed background activity for something else and that's the extent of my recent TV viewing. Except for... there's often an "except", my guilty pleasure of ordering Grey's Anatomy through i-Tunes. It's delivered privately to my computer whenever there's a new episode. I must admit, I'm hooked. There is drama, PG-13 sex, laughter, excellent music and so many metaphors for life I can hardly stand it. This week I found myself mesmerized, enchanted and in near tears as I connected with the passionate dialogue of a 350 pound+ opera singer. It resonated profoundly, so I transcribed his speech to ponder here.
“I’m big. Too Big. I don’t fit in airplane seats and my feelings don’t always fit the situation. If my food is overcooked, I get enraged. I want to kill the waiter… but I don’t. I politely ask him to take my meal back and prepare it the way I asked for it. I spend my days making myself small... more acceptable, and that’s ok, because at night, when I go on stage, I get to experience the world as I feel it, with indescribable rage and unbearable sadness and huge passion. At night, on stage, I get to kill the waiter and dance on his grave, and if I can’t do that…if all I have is a life of making myself smaller, then I don’t want to live . I don’t. And believe me, honey, you don’t want me to live.” From Grey’s Anatomy 1.21.10
While I do fit in the seat of an airplane, my emotional intensity often reaches proportions that can feel "too big". When that happens I must choose whether or not I will make myself smaller or go with the flow and risk dancing on the waiter's grave.
So, any other Grey's fans out there? Ever land in a situation and find yourself living large or making small?