Thursday, October 11, 2007

Connected...Yes? No? Maybe?

“What she is dismantling is the woman who was once asleep in her relationships, her religion, her career, and her inner life, the woman who never questioned any of it but blindly followed prevailing ideas and dictates. She is the woman severed from her own true instinct and creativity.” from Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd

Whenever I feel the pull of two seemingly unrelated things, I must begin to wonder how and if they are connected. The predominant pull for me lately has been toward a greater understanding of what it means to be a woman and more specifically a woman of God. I have been reading Sue Monk Kidd’s, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter which is her own personal journey from a traditional Christian background toward the Sacred Feminine.

The second topic that keeps popping up for me is that of grief and maybe more accurately “unresolved grief.” Mind Sieve had a provocative post talking about shielding grief for a child and how it moves with us into adulthood. Yesterday at a counseling session, my therapist asked me, “How much have you really grieved?” I wanted to say, “Lots” which is probably accurate, but then I must follow with “Is that enough?” “Enough” does not seem like the appropriate response, because it feels like however I grieve today will be different rather than just more of the same.

And then this morning, Christine’s post spoke of “a fear of darkness in our culture – a denial of death and a resistance to the work of grief.” So as I pondered that post, the thought of unresolved grief and my new awareness of the sacred feminine collided. At first glance I would call the two unrelated. Given a moment to think, however, my answer seems different.

For a few years now I have grieved for a little girl (me) who felt silenced throughout her life. Consequently, I have begun to connect with the woman (me again) who feels alive and vibrant in her own skin. As journeys go, however, the path must continue forward. And thus today, I believe I am being called to consider more deeply the missing pieces. It may include a visit into the darker sides of life, but it feels like light will greet me along the way like sunrays filtering through the heavy forest.

What path are you being called to follow during this changing of the seasons?

photo by lucy

12 comments:

The Dream said...

I REALLY enjoyed that book. Sue Monk Kidd did a tremendous amount of research for it. It was that book that reignited the flame of my relationship with The Blessed Mother. Soon after, I went to New Mexico and there She was - all around. And then, I was fortunate enough to meet a wonderful man, who became my spiritual advisor, and led me back through the doors of the church once more. Thanks for the reminder.

Abbey of the Arts said...

I am so delighted that lucy is re-connecting with this powerful force and energy within her. Who knows what could happen now? :-)

Abbey of the Arts said...

and one more note, I said a similar thing in response to a comment on my own post, but I think we all carry unresolved grief around all the time, and I am not sure it is ever fully resolved. I am not sure if that is even the right word for me, since losing those we love means we carry that sorrow and absence for our whole lives.

lucy said...

dream--thank you for sharing that piece of your story. it is lovely and inspiring!

christine--great thought...what would it even mean for grief to be "resolved?"

SUNRISE SISTER said...

In response to your question to "dream" - for me grief doesn't get "resolved" but becomes another intricate part of my being; a part of me like a scar that marks or remembers the accident, operation, or whatever - it stops hurting but the mark or memory does not really ever go away.

lucy said...

well said, sunrise sister.

Shelby said...

I'm with Lucy, 'well said.' :)

SUNRISE SISTER said...

Lucy and Shelby - thanks from SS -... but also one more thought about Lucy's having quote "grieved for a little girl (me) who felt silenced, etc." unquote.

For me, I didn't grieve that silencing, that stereo-typing of pretty girls, etc. I was ANGRY, so ANGRY....and I guess you can say now that I am HAPPY, so HAPPY that somehow, some way, something, someone enabled me to look beyond that little box I had been put in, that someone may have been me -waking up to God's great "living big" that has been inside the box with me all of the time:)

lucy said...

Sunrise Sister--it sounds like the mind sieve is working overtime. the word "awakening" keeps coming to mind and it seems like that little box has many compartments that continue to be opened.

btw--what are you doing up making posts at 1:00 a.m.????

Gabrielle said...

There is, though, with the practice of contemplative prayer, a healing that takes place over time which is a little difficult to describe. Resolved doesn't quite seem to be the right word, but in fact, not only the hurt goes away, but so does, in some strange way, the mark or the memory. The memory is not gone, but it does not affect one in the same way as before. It's almost as if it happened to a different person, and yet, it's not that you have disassociated or anything like that. It's a healing of the memory, by the grace of God.

SUNRISE SISTER said...

Gabrielle, excellent points regarding contemplative prayer!

lucy said...

gabrielle--
i ditto sunrise sister! thank you.