Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Blue Dancers

Life comes rushing in so fast. I wake up dreaming of the Musee d’Orsay, Tess, the grandmother & her boys (who I have not had a chance to write about), Blue Dancers. I want to return to Paris. There is so much left undone. No regrets except maybe that I did not ride the carrousel ☺. Still, I know I will return.

I have been dreaming in French. Soon the trip will start to fade. Not so quickly for me, but it will certainly fade for others. Their lives are not changed by me. I think of Ally and the lives she touched. The life she lived. Yesterday was a day filled with memories of her just as today will be and probably—hopefully—tomorrow.

I miss Paris. I did not have to worry about so much there. I could wake up and let the wind blow me where it would. Now I am here. My dear husband sleeps next to me. The dog wants attention. My daughter is being a little snarly. (Is something wrong or is it just “normal” teenage angst?) My son is in treatment again. Lord, please help him. Help all of us.

I don’t want my journal to move away from Paris. I don’t want to leave there. I don’t want to jump into the seemingly million obligations that await me here. I just want to write about the Musee d’Orsay and Blue Dancers.

Alas, life slips in. How can I live today as though on the wings of Paris? How will I choose to live these moments fully? How will you?

Image Edgar Degas', "Blue Dancers"


Kate I said...

I too struggle with this conundrum. I've found that being aware of when I drift off and worry about the future or go back into the past and rehash events and conversations, has really helped me stay present and balenced. it's been a new behaviour that I've had to learn and put into practice. (Not easy but not impossible either. There are still times when I lose it and fly madly off in all directions. LOL!)

I also had an epiphany when I realized just how much I need to control...always in a good way of course!...outcomes. Me, who thought I didn't have a controlling bone in my body!

...daily life is just such a shock after Paris...or Mexico or wherever we've been able to suspend the nitty gritty of daily life.

Kayce aka lucy said...

thanks, kate...yep, i think it's that entry back into the nitty gritty for sure!

Karen said...

It's much easier to live in the present moment while vacationing, isn't it? Somehow, we should be able to carry that with us into our regular life--to care, but not worry, and to always be aware of what's happening right now.

Wren said...

I do love this picture. It in itself is a different world, an excellent choice to illustrate your struggle to be back at your daily life with Paris on your mind. "How Ya Gonna Keep 'Em Down on the Farm, After They've Seen Paree?"

Having lived in Paris the summer I was twenty, I think now that, when I remember it, I can continue to look at life with a different eye.

The Dream said...

Sorry to hear that your son is back in treatment. Wish my son could be right now. You know I know how tough this can be.

Paris will always be part of you, Lucy. How wonderful that you had that opportunity and you didn't change your mind. You did it and you're better for it!