diary of a day

• cafe latte in bed
• light breakfast with friends & dogs
• walk to the beach
• stroll
• swim in the sea
• walk to the house
• swim in the pool
• shower outside
• lunch
• read
• nap on the veranda with cool island breeze
• read
• nap
• read
• play with water color paints alongside new friend
• dress for dinner
• outdoor dining at "rustico" fabulous!!
• conversation
• late night game with the teens
• finish book
• sleep

ahhhhhhh...just another day in paradise...

visual gratitude

"I arise at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving."
--Kahlil Gibran

be

Is it fading memory or past inobservance? I don’t remember ever awakening to this amazing, picture perfect view right outside my window. Did I not turn to the west upon awakening in the past? Or is there a new window—a wall moved just a foot or two? I think not, because the room is perfectly symmetrical as it is. How can I miss something so simple and so amazingly beautiful? Something that is right before my very eyes?

I think we must do it all the time. The missing, I mean. Some say we cannot go looking for the sacred. Is that true? If we do not open our hearts, eyes or minds, how will we know it is there? And what of those times when we desperately want to see God and yet we feel or see nothing? A dark night of the soul, if you will.

There it is—the paradox of being. We must see to believe, but in the looking we miss what is simply there. Hmmmm. Is that what I meant to say? In looking for my words do they fail to come? Is something lost in the translation from heart to head? Yet I must put pen to paper for something to tangibly emerge. Or must I?

“Let it be,” says the still small voice. “Be” that simple tiny small word that is so huge. Let it be. Be still and know. Be still. Be.

How will I choose to “be” today? How will you?

"gone to the beach. not sure when i'll be back." she grins and boards the plane...

sacred

Do you ever have conversations with yourself? I don’t mean little mutterings, but full blown, pros and cons, asking questions and seeking answers kind of conversations? Well, if not, I highly recommend it. As Flannery O’Connor said, “I write to discover what I know.” Although more often my writing feels like it is discovering more and more of what I don’t know, because the questions just keep multiplying. The cool thing is that I am really o.k. with that. More so even than having all the answers which seems like a totally impossible task, don’t you think?

While I would like the share with you this morning’s conversation, it seems to be one that is ongoing and so impossible (and too large) to capture in one readable blog post. Nevertheless, I will share a snippet of it.

I woke up this morning pondering “what is sacred”? (i.e. How would one define sacred?) The first definition I found was “connected with God.” I like that. It resonates with me. It’s simple without too many words or fuss. (I do not choose to define God in this post. You will have to do that for yourself ☺. ) So, why was I pondering “sacred”? Well, yesterday felt like a very sacred day to me.

It was about finding the sacred in Seattle on a summer Friday night. Far away from the four walls of any institution. Feeling the life force around me while driving along the beach of Alki Point, soaking up the West Seattle culture. The magnificence of the city spread before us. The tempting call of the lapping waves. Dipping our toes into the cold Sound while conversing with a waif of a girl and her scraggly old dog puppy. Fresh sea air mixed with the warm heat of the day. Sacred. Friendship. Bread. Wine. Communion. Being seen in the eyes of another. Sacred conversation—not how to “save” the world, but how to "be" in the world so that our gifts are shared. God manifested. The evening was awe inspired and inspiring. Sacred, indeed.

More thoughts and conversation continued from there, but I choose to stop now and sit in the beauty of that little snippet. Perhaps the conversation will continue at another time. For now, however, I hope you will consider what “sacred” means to you. How about “fellowship”? Communion? Church? Have a little conversation here or perhaps with yourself even ☺.

Wishing you a blessed and sacred Saturday!

photos by lucy 6.20.08. "driving" & view from Salty's West Seattle.

holding back

I find myself holding back and I can only imagine that it is tied to years of feeling wrong, out of place and judged. I do not want to go back there AND I do not want those chains to continue to have their hold on me. So, what’s a girl to do?

I find myself on a journey of amazing possibilities with forks in the road and so many choices to be made along the way. Do they all lead to the same place? Can choices be made along the path that look different for each of us and still lead to one source? I hear the voices of my past (and occasional present) saying, “Do not stray from the narrow path. If you do, you will be wrong. You will live in eternal hell.” Ironically, it feels more like hell to follow the narrow voices that want to rein me in—to keep me from living my true nature. But wait; would that be a “sinful” nature? The one that the devil tempts me to? Yikes. It all feels so dramatic and forced and fear-based. But the voices of judgment hang tough and strong, telling me to keep myself in check.

Could those strong and tough voices of judgment be from God? Is my true nature really evil and so I need hard and fast guardrails? I think not. My heart, my soul, my very being tells me to listen to the beauty…To trust that God will meet me where I am as long as it is God I am seeking.

Hmmm...I don’t believe it is God I have the problem with ☺. The challenge is to live in the world and follow my path regardless of how others tell me I “should” live. You see I believe that the Way of Jesus is love. Period. It is God I am seeking. It is God who is seeking me. Together, we will make our own path. Period.

If you are reading this, I chose to push “publish’ and let up on the holding back…a little ☺. Thoughts? Comments? Where do you choose to listen? Heart? Head? Man? God? How do you KNOW what YOU believe? How do you discern whether it is your belief or just a hangover of others’ voices? Where do you hold back?

if only for a moment...

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

can you remember back to those carefree days when boys and girls were just kids and not genders? can you see in your mind’s eye the freedom of summer and endless play without regard to time, space or commitments? when hours could be lost staring at an ant carrying a piece of food? or catching bees in a jar only to release them a moment later could consume an entire afternoon? can you remember what it was like to walk hand in hand with someone just because it felt natural to be by their side? can you remember when it all started to get complicated and boys became yucky or girls developed cooties? when appearance became more important than freedom? when propriety took the place of simplicity?

some of those questions are easier for me to answer than others, but all remind me in some simple way of my delightful Sunday when for a few brief moments all of the questions disappeared and I got to simply be me…a child at play…if only for a moment.

sitting next to the international fountain at seattle center with my seemingly unlikely companions, steve and derek (two twenty-something young men from lubbock, texas), we watched the children at play in the brilliant sunshine of the day. one little guy especially caught our attention as he darted in and out of the fountain spray clad only in his little white briefs which I swear he had on sideways ☺. oblivious to every care in the world except delight, this little guy was the picture of joy and his energy was evidently contagious. steve spontaneously said, “come run through the fountain with me” and the next thing I knew, we were dodging the showers and laughing with the other children. pure delight indeed!

it is funny how you just know that some moments will mark your life in a unique way and I know this was one of them. it was a brief slice of time slathered with delight and freedom when two grown up children allowed themselves to come out to play and time stood still…if only for a moment.

when was the last time you allowed your inner child to come out and play? if it has been awhile, why do you think that is? what would they would want to do if allowed? think about it ☺. I would love to know.

unfortunately i did not have my own camera with me, but this fountain photo found here beautifully exhibits the mood of the day!

ebb and flow

It is early morning. I have been up for over two hours and it is just past 7:00 a.m. Why am I up? Dreams, thoughts, feelings flow through my being. The past couple of days have been punctuated by a sense of contentment, but today I feel my old nature pressing in and saying, “Do something. You can’t just sit around being content!” And so the tides of life continue to ebb and flow.

Awhile back I wrote about dabbling versus mastery as I encountered the lovely blue jays in my path. This morning as I read a journal from four years ago, I noticed that the answers for which I was searching were right in front of me. Just this week, I communicated with two friends about their own messages being right there for them, too. One showed up in music they had written over the years. The other in art purchased without any "known" rhyme or reason. And so it is that I believe the answers are often right before our very eyes. Sometimes we are open to seeing them and other times we are not. And sometimes it is just not the right time to see.

Still I ponder where is the balance between hyper-focusing and/or just waiting for things to happen. What is my responsibility to move things along and/or when do I just need to get out of the way? Am I willing to risk appearing foolish or (gasp) failure by putting myself out there? Or will I be like my encouraging creative friend who says we must celebrate the rejection letters, because that means we made one more step toward our art?

So, the question for me today is what am I willing to risk? Time? Energy? Ego? Failure? If my dream is to share my gifts* with the world, how can I move toward the fulfillment of that dream if I sequester myself behind a wall of fear?

How about you? What are you willing to risk today? What holds you back from exploring or expanding your dreams? Are there small steps that could get you going? Is your tide ebbing or flowing right now?

*Defining my “gifts” is another roadblock, for sure…and definitely the topic of another post ☺.

photo from yelapa, mexico by h3images

my village

Home again. It has been a nice relaxing day of resting, nesting, catching up on e-mail and home stuff. The wind has been blowing like crazy and the rains have been consistent throughout the day. Right now the sun has decided to pop out and give us a little blue sky for the evening.

My life has entered an odd pattern these days. I feel kind of like a firefighter who goes to live at the station for a week and then returns home. When I am facilitating for Soltura, I know where I am supposed to be and my focus is centered on helping the participants throughout their workshop. It is intense, exhilarating and exhausting. So the challenge when I return to my home is to find the balance of what needs to be done and to what I choose to be present.

When I am facilitating, I am totally present to the participants. It is a very cool experience, because they each come looking for some kind of change in their life. I find that my gifts shine in this environment. Last week was very cool because there were four young ladies who are close in age to my son. So in many ways they were an interesting combination of my son and daughter. One of them shared her philosophy of “being raised by a village” and thanked each of us for being part of her village.

It was so wonderful to see how these women also helped “raise me” with their courage, insight, tenacity and love. It never ceases to amaze me how similar human beings are and yet how very different. The great thing is allowing ourselves to be open and see what we can learn from each other. (I think it’s great to consider relationships with an open door policy ☺.)

This evening I am tired, but content. My home is clean. My heart is in good spirits. My family is safe. And my “village” continues to expand. Blessings abound and I am eternally grateful for life as I know it.

on the road again

greetings! i will be away from blogging for the next few days doing my soltura thing. i hope you will check out that website if you are so-inclined. also, in the meantime if you would like to hear some tunes inspired by my recent road trip, here is a brief playlist. i'd love to know what your favorite road tunes are, so drop me a line.