Saturday, November 29, 2008

early morning musings

I write to live - anything less is death.

The human heart carries so much pain. It’s capacity for joy is unlimited. We shield ourselves from ourselves. We try to hide from god. Our pain runs deep like hidden riverbeds beneath rock surfaces. We become brittle until we break or explode or implode. Without meter or rhyme, we forge on never knowing if tears or laughter will burst forth. It is tenuous—this life. To embrace the moments. To feel the depth and agony of pain while soaking in a perfumed tub. To experience gales of belly laughs while playing a silly game. To fill my stomach full to bursting with too much wonderful food. To know the ache of my head from stress and a little excess wine.

The capacity of the body is immense. The capacity of the heart – infinite. Just when we think it will break, joy emerges from the ashes. How? Why? I do not know. It is grace. The grace of God. Learned. Given. Received. I do not understand this God. This life. I need to feel it. I need to share it. This depth. This groundedness that I do not understand. The both/and. Not either/or. I am not sad or happy. I am both. I am filled with delight AND terror & grief. Both/and. I don’t understand yet I know it to be true. I have been described as Full. Full of shit—maybe…sometimes. I am also full of Love. Delight. Laughter. And a capacity to not only endure, but also Live a life that others might shrink from or shut down & back away.

My capacity is immense. My pendulum swings far and wide. The depths sink beyond comprehension. The word from the Lord says, “Others would have given up long ago. I chose you for this life. You will dare to stay there. You will dare to risk life. You will give your life to live it.” I would not trade this life for any other. Nope, this one is mine. I might, however, trade a few moments ☺. My tapestry is rich. I do not understand it and I do not have to understand. When I come to this still place—I Know. Pure and simple.

Lead me into Advent, Lord. Let me celebrate the incarnation. It is life. New birth. It leads to death and resurrection. Let me celebrate all of it. It is the gospel. It is the cycle of life. Birth. Death. Resurrection. Over and over and over again. The capacity of the body is immense. The capacity of the heart – infinite.

Be sure to order your own copy of Grace Unbound. Check it out here.


Anonymous said...

Lucy, you put put into words much of what is simmering within today tho much of it is pain and grief. Thanks for your reminder of both/and ~ as Advent begins I'll be open for both joy and pain. And a copy of your new book!

Unknown said...

This is a wonderful and beautiful was like a prayer that I needed to read today, thank you so much!

Much love,

lucy said...

thymekeeper--i think at all times we are simmering with something & usually it is a soup full of many ingredients...pain, grief, joy, delight, love, hate...

thank you for supporting my passion with a purchase of the book!!!

gabriella--"prayer" describes what it felt like when i wrote it. i am surprised i did not end it with "amen." you have blessed me with your presence here today.


Dianna Woolley said...

This is a lovely post - the "ands" are a wonderful reminder of our blessings when the darkness drops in and out of our existence.


Anonymous said...

Beautiful. Your words brought home to me all those times I don't allow myself to feel AND how that often results in genuine feeling.

Kayce aka lucy said...

ss AND tess--glad you both like those 'ands'...i can hardly see any other way :-) hugs to you both!!!