“But for most art there is no client, and in making it you lay bare a truth you perhaps never anticipated: that by your very contact with what you love, you have exposed yourself to the world.” ---from Art and Fear
My days are full and good. Exciting even. The book is coming to fruition. After yesterday’s initial brief announcement, there are requests for more than 20 copies. Oh my. This makes me really nervous. I feel exposed! What if they don’t like it? If they feel ripped off? What if they don’t “get it”? What if it looks horrible? The voices battle. The inner critic says, “Dump it!” The strong me says, “Spread the word!”This book is me. It is my form of grace. My grace is sufficient for you. Grace has supervised this project. The molding and shaping throughout the book. Add more pages. It’s not enough. Will it ever be enough? And so, I stop and declare. This IS enough. I get to choose and this feels right. It feels sufficient…maybe even more than sufficient ☺.
I see the trails of my life throughout this book. Soltura. Family. Amazing Grace. Beauty. Form. Movement. Sunday School. Mars Hill. The bus. Formative moments. Brazos and Lakebay. It’s all there. Mexico. Bermuda. Seattle. Texas. The desert. The beach. Night and day.
This is the beginning. Oh sh*t, here we go again, Lord. You are amazing beyond words and I am scared to death. Is it fear of failure or success? What if I am successful? It is my dream and it terrifies me! And, it thrills me! My chest is tightening. Breathe. Be still and know that I am God. Slow down. Breathe. My grace is sufficient for you.
photo by lucy from seattle sculpture park 11.17.08
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9 comments:
You're a teacher, if I am not mistaken. If so, you know how nervous you get before your first class of the term? Then you take a deep breath and you begin and it is OK, really OK all over again? Same thing. All will be well. All manner of things will be well.
Oh I know this feeling well lucy, so glad your brave side has won out. We are all the richer for it.
I am in the same boat right now, wondering if I am feeling fear of failure or fear of success. And, how will I choose to view myself? I see us both as bringing much beauty into the world in ways only we can do. We will move forward together with courage and uniqueness!
Hugs, Cheryl
Having just finished a new collage, my first critic just took a look, a breath and departed mumbling an innocuous - wow, you are really somethin'.....poor guy, I wouldn't have believed him if he said he loved it! There's no winning with new creators - their hearts on their sleeves, or in their throats.....push onward and upward, Lucy. The deal is done - we, your fans, are ready:)
Your gifts are you, and it feels tender and scary to put them out there. But I believe part of your individual giftedness is to share and teach. As SS says, we, your fans, are ready!
exciting stuff. sign us up for a copy!
Wow what a honest post and so true that when we put ourselves out there, and remove our egos (edging god out) we find that success is there and waiting for us with god and everyone! Just enjoy the love and peace that is success!
G
This is so exciting, Lucy--put me down for one!
I understand how you feel, and I'm so glad you're doing this anyway! Fear is okay, just don't let it stop you. And I don't think you need worry about it--we come to your blog because of your writing. How could your book be anything but good?!
barbara--your words do bring a sense of peace. this is a tiny bit different though since it really is a first. yikes!
C--not sure the brave side has won yet...i still haven't pushed "send" on the order button :-)
cheryl--so nice to see you here! you go girl!!! i know you have great things to offer.
SS--i think in know that "you are really something" look. scary stuff, but oh what fun, huh??!?!? thanks for your enduring encouragement. can't wait to see the new collage!!
tess--you keep saying that about my "giftedness"...i'm trusting you on that one although still not sure what we may all learn from this :-) i guess that's all part of it, huh?
you got it, L&M!
gabriella--so interesting that you used the "edging god out" words, because i originally had "ego" in the post and replaced it with "inner critic". very perceptive, you are! and, yes, i am nothing if i am not honest!
karen--thank you so very very much!! i have a copy on reserve for you :-)
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